6am posting

but I've really been awake since 5. it's easy to blame a certain someone wiggling around in utero, but I think I was just awake anyway. so I decided to get up and start tackling things... I've even done a load of laundry already!

first things first.

a few iphone photos from last weekend's trip home to see the family, which I thought was just going to be birthday party-time for grandmothers but turned out to also be surprise early party-time for myself... I turn a young, vibrant 37 next week. notice the blob of a blaze all of my candles made!:



I got flipping adorable baby gear. just TRY to look at the next photo and be mean or mad about something:



speaking of baby gear, we bought a crib! it's one of those convertible ones that becomes a full-sized bed later. we'd heard and read that it generally takes forever for cribs to come in and there are often issues with ordering/delivery, so after we pored over various manufacturers in the Baby Bargains book, found the thing online, and went to a retailer here that carried it, we walked in the door to see it right there, not only on sale but in stock here in town! it was also one of the least pressured purchases we've ever made:



a quick photo I shot yesterday at Woodfin in the skylight room, which has been primed and is waiting for it's coat of paint. you'll get yours Saturday, skylight room! I don't know if you can tell under the cute blouse my cousin loaned me, but the belly's still merrily growing further away from my spine. I'm feeling the weight and girth of it a little more, but that could be also be because I've had a busy week and ate one too many pop tarts in my weakness. the cardigan I'm wearing in this pic was purchased two Sundays ago, and I'm fairly certain I've worn it every day since. I'm actually wearing it right now, no lie. that always makes you feel good about your purchase, when you don't want to take it off. ooh ohh, and I got my head shorn yesterday! it's pretty short in the back, which always takes a couple of days to get used to, but it feels so delicious for the warmer weather and I love how easy it is to fix.



random things to note:

* I'm super grateful for work this week... but am quick to stress out. luckily, I'm also pretty easily diffused, and despite my inner triggers I don't think I said or did anything terribly emotionally foolish outwardly. thank you for providing, God.

* I had gotten behind, so I listened to FOUR This American Life podcasts on this trip, three on the way home the other night. Yay for well-produced, hour-long podcasts that make the time fly by!

* it really does feel like your body changes overnight when you're growing a baby, but you don't realize it until you go to put on a pair of pants that fit just fine last week but don't want to go past your thighs today.

* I have eaten very, VERY sloppily, lots of restaurant and processed food. husband made skillet meatloaf and sauteed fennel, garlic, and brussel sprouts last night, and the difference in the way I felt afterward and this morning is so markedly pronounced. it's like I feel... good. not guilty. lighter. having our schedules dictated a little by renovating and stuff has thwarted us from our pursuit of whole foods, and we've both felt and mourned it.


now I want to write about what went down this week with Glenn Beck, so those of you who would rather refrain from political business are welcome to skip the rest of this post (it turned out quite long, so you may want to skip it anyway if you feel you'd be easily bored). happy Friday to you, go forth and do what you do!!

for anyone unsure of what happened, here are some highlights:

Beck, in the course of what is apparently an ongoing 'history lesson' on his show on FOX news, essentially encouraged churchgoers to leave their churches if the words 'social justice' were spoken in the pulpit/appear on the church website, announcing them code words for communism and Nazism. here's a three minute clip from the show... which sparked responses from some in the Christian community. Jim Wallis, a Christian writer and political activist who is the founder and editor of Sojourners magazine, called for Christians to boycott Beck's show in protest, which apparently prompted Beck to respond again that 'social justice is a perversion of the gospel' and to call Wallis a 'leftist', an 'operative for the Democratic party', and a 'dedicated foe of capitalism'. Wallis countered with this open letter, essentially asking Beck to stop name-calling and talk about what it all really means, these concepts of justice and such and how they relate to people who profess to follow Jesus.

those are the basic nuts and bolts of it, I think. I don’t know if anything new has happened.

I'm not unbiased about Glenn Beck, so I won't pretend to be. I don't like him. I absolutely see him as an actor who makes his living by inciting people to high emotion so they'll watch or listen to his show, buy his book, and snag a ticket to his 'comedy tour'. For the record, I don't tune in to MSNBC or some other news source religiously, either... wouldn't want you to think I'm hypocritically okay with taking my propaganda and arguing points from another news source (I suppose someone I DO listen to a lot would be Dave Ramsey, but I still try to take the things he says - even his financial advice, which I think is quite sound – with a grain of salt). I should also say that I don't imagine Beck actually believes everything he espouses on his show... as an example of how he might be a tad duplicitous (or just human), this clip from the Daily Show is pretty funny, showing Beck's attitude toward healthcare when he himself had a health issue and was on CNN and then 16 months later when he was on FOX. I imagine he's a dude who has opinions that change and morph like everyone's do, except he's got this extremely high-paying job that's pretty much built around tapping into the frustrations and fears of his audience and building a case against enemies of ‘conservative’ politics ad nauseum.

so now you know how I feel about him.

regarding what he said this week, I can see some merit it in... if you're receiving highly politicized sermons at church, that's probably very inappropriate. we had a situation in our church last year demonstrating that even 'I'm not going to tell you how to vote, but the Bible says this so Christians should think/act this way'-sort of lobbying from the pulpit wasn't appreciated by some, though I'm inclined to think that if some issue Beck holds dear was espoused in his Mormon church pulpit as a Biblical principle he'd likely find a reason to defend it and accuse naysayers of being anti-family, anti-American pagans.

which is one of the topics I think this raises... do we pick and choose? M and I were talking about it and the topic of abortion came up... I don't enjoy the topic, honestly, but it demonstrates the point. many Christians actively seek the government's involvement when it comes to preventing babies from being aborted and see no problem talking about this freely in church in the context of doing God's work here on earth, but the crux of Beck's argument is that churches shouldn't encourage government involvement when it comes to helping the poor/disenfranchised/what-have-you. in effect, churches should philosophically take care of the poor themselves, if they wish to, and sharing or abdicating any of that responsibility to the government is wrong, liberal, and communist. dangerous, even. I think it's something of a double standard. one could say, 'but abortion is murder so the government and it's laws must be involved', which I understand. I would cautiously counter that the law of Christ (which comes before the Constitution) is to love God and love one another, and our Biblical example is to be quite liberal within our communities when it comes to our possessions and care of people. I doubt early Christians were proof-texting Jesus' words to mean only helping one another, or that they hoped the rulers of the land back then wouldn't use their taxes in charitable ways... from Acts chapter 2: All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." I'm assuming from the idyllic picture the text paints that early Christians tried to permeate their whole lives with a generous spirit, rending unto Caesar what was Caesar’s and to God what was God’s. our government is a government of the people and for the people, some of which are poor and cry out for more help. does the Christian's care of people and hope for their basic comfort get to be trumped by separation of church and state? except for the unborn? are we okay with people thinking that of us? how would you engage in such a discussion with this girl, who's words and life choices stir my heart and cut my conscience?

Disclaimer, to show how muddy my water is: I don't want Holland's economy. I do believe in the responsibility and necessary growth involved in people trying to take care of themselves, and in the discipline of good stewardship. I also understand the idea of feeling injustice if I work my butt off to attain something and then am expected to give it away to people who don't seem to be trying as hard. (I understand it... and I struggle with it on a myriad of levels.) I don’t like the fact that my property taxes go up because it’s easier to tax people than make drastic and perhaps unpopular budget cuts in a down economy, and every year I moan about how much I’m force to pay as a self-employed person into our incredibly faulty social security system to provide other people with their promised retirement stipend (and the government a stash of money to pull from in a pinch, no payback required). I don't believe economic equality is something to be pursued as though it will right all wrongs, as if all people with money somehow deserve to be knocked down a peg and all people without it will be transformed if they get some.

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of the last paragraph was. Maybe it just demonstrates that I feel pulled in different ways a lot of the time. I’m betting others do, too.

Plowing on, another problem I see is not only what Beck does, but so many others - take words and create such powerful, knee-jerk associations that the mere mention of the word creates a feeling/idea that sends critical thought and dialogue out the window. we’ve all seen this happen over and over – someone is so busy reacting to buzz words with defensive rhetoric that you can’t get through to talk about anything of substance. this has happened to words like, oh, liberal, progressive, conservative... consider how the term 'meditate' or 'meditation' has such an Eastern connotation now and is viewed suspiciously by some Christians. from Psalm 19: 'May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.'

it just means thinking about things. whatever things you choose to think about as a grown person with a discerning mind. it doesn't have to be accompanied by incense and chanting. although I like incense.

‘social justice’ is on the block today, but it has been for awhile. in the spirit of confession, I was actually a little wary of the term a year or two ago, as I felt some believers were beginning to use it... well, too much. like it was the new churchy bandwagon to be on if you're cool and progressive, talking about social justice. I don't mean to sound like a jerk, because I very much understand what the core topic is and I get it’s import, I'm just calling out my sensitivity to catchphrases and hype.

do I think social justice is at the center of the gospel, as J. Wallis put it? well, technically, no. we discussed this in bible class recently… the gospel is the story of God through Jesus, who he was, what he did, and what that means. it all centers around Jesus’ divinity, humanity, life, death, and resurrection, and what that means now. so the gospel is not really about us, or if it is we play Soldier A in the back row with the fake sword to God and Christ’s lead.

but.

since some of us claim to follow that man/God, it does stand to reason that we’d seek to emulate him, and I think we can all agree that a lot of his words and actions would easily fall under the broad category of ‘social justice’, as would our instructions on how to treat people, and it frustrates me to think that political innuendo would subvert our mission further, divide believers, and give fodder to those who would seek to focus on our many flaws than discuss the living Christ. these are the obvious but from Luke 2, quoting Isaiah: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor," and Micah 6, “He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?" Sometimes I think it’s easier as Christians to hang out in the letters, focusing on instructions to the various churches, than seeking to mold our lives after a man who saw people so clearly and yet valued and loved them openly and directly, was so passionate about holiness, chose unpredictable physical comfort and low status, and seemed bent on having very few obligatory ties to earthly things, even family relations. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I find it’s much easier to focus on and enjoy the Event of Sunday Morning and just trying to be generally good than live in a way that actually looks like Jesus. What can I say? I like stuff, it’s more comfortable to have money than not, getting involved with others requires effort and can be awkward, and I feel a bit covetous of my time. Not that it’s that black and white – for example, just because I hope to save for retirement and such doesn’t mean I’m greedy and untrusting… the Bible has much to say about stewardship and wise use of money, so I know it’s more a matter of the principles behind what we do and whether they hinder or help rather than if we run out en masse and give everything away to join a commune.

what worries me is that some Christians who enjoy Glenn Beck will defend his remarks. this is a twofold problem, as I see it: a) what’s the take-away soundbyte for non-believers? Christians, who SAY they want all things decent and good, don’t want their churches to help people now (not true, necessarily, but that's what they could choose to hear). they’re so afraid of socialism and set in their political ways that they’d rather side with Glenn Beck and their sometimes staunch biblical technicalities about where, when, and how the needy will get help than model Jesus who, virtually everyone walking the planet can agree, was awesome and treated people well… so well it rocked the social order of the day (unless, you know, they were doing stuff like turning the temple into a place of commerce). and b) frankly, I think it’s a bad idea to allow one more shred of justification to come between believers and the mandate to live our lives as servants of those around us, political principle and semantics be damned. tell me I’m not the only one who fears that the horrible scenario from Matthew 25 will come to pass and I’ll be on the wrong side, one of the people cluelessly living out my little compartmentalized life and blind to the need around me, the ‘least of these’ that Jesus is completely identifying himself with. I fear it because it's so much easier to check out and focus on myself, which means the other way is probably the right way and I shouldn't get too comfortable justifying my lack of involvement. forget what the government does - some of us already balk at tithing/giving to our churches, probably the most passive way possible to participate in aiding others, relegating it to an out-of-date practice not required of us now… as though, under the new law, Jesus’ blood bought us more of ‘our money’ to keep to ourselves and sacrificial giving was phased out as a spiritual discipline. which is odder to me now than ever, because many of us seem to think that churches should be the ones providing the lion's share of the aid in our communities and yet are offended at lessons focused on giving and money matters, as though the church is being greedy or that handling money is a non-spiritual matter that's private and ours. Our churches, catchphrases or no, may be calling us to explore living out the life of Christ by loosing the ties to our idols of what we know and becoming more servant-like to the world around us and we need to be open to hearing the message of Jesus and what God is trying to accomplish here rather than defensively waiting to pounce on a preacher and cry ‘communism!’. As my husband so eloquently put it, ‘Watch your tv and check it against what you learn in church, not the other way around.’ well put, babe.

are you still here? could anyone possibly still be reading this? it took all day to write, as I had to leave for work and come back and edit... it's way too long and I still feel I haven’t done very well. being able to entertain many different viewpoints makes writing a concise opinion piece tough. there are other things husband and I spoke of, like wondering if the terms 'freedom', 'democracy', 'Constitution', 'founding fathers', 'free market', etc. have each become their own imperfect idols and if believers have blurred the lines of distinction between being 'Christian' and 'American' to the point where we think they're synonymous and of equal import, but this entry has to stop somewhere. to close, I'd like to borrow from husband again: no matter what happens, even if Christians left their churches in droves on Glenn Beck's instruction (which, I'm pretty sure, they won't), we can take heart. God is powerful and His Spirit is alive in this world, and He will accomplish His work. I am relieved to the point of tears that it's not all about me. I wish that didn't sound so pithy.

-m.y.

p.s. if I've offended with my comments above please know that I find fault in myself first, and I realize that blogging ideas isn't the same as living them out. in this moment, I really do want less of self and more of Thee, more mercy and grace in my life, but am not sure how to get there today other than to speak/write the desire and ask for shared help and prayer as we all keep on keeping on.