sort of a blur

this feels like a 'dear diary' post. may happened so fast in my memory, but there a couple of things worth talking about:

I've been very, very blessed with work. I'm so thankful, particularly so since this morning husband and I did our budget together for June and were able to plan to contribute to retirement and savings this month, even Magz' college fund. thank you, Father, for abundance. it certainly helped that we got a tax refund a few days ago... which you don't really want, since it just means you gave the gov too much money last year, but we'll take it back with gratitude. hubs is working at building his freelance clientele, and even though the Lord has blessed us and taken care of us beautifully I'm afraid I'm hard-wired to worry and fret about funds. 'what if I lose a client, or three?', 'what if I get pregnant again right now, and it's harder than last time, and I can't work as much?', 'what if we dip too far into savings on down months, and get used to it, and forget what it's like to have goals and a plan?'... I know that there's probably a healthy level of concern to have about such things, which propels people to get out of bed and try to take care of business, but I also recognize that I can totally forget to include God's provision and peace in my habit of defaulting to my own ability to to perform and make things happen. after 13 years of self-employment I'm afraid I also still tend to forget that I'm in a boat with two oars, and that everything looks a lot better and less stressful when I'm sharing and shouldering with mgb. I'm so thankful for my husband, and for how he serves our family.

I'd like to brag on him a little - he showed up to a gig the other day to work as a Production Assistant on a reality show shoot (which is a position that he's 'above' ability-wise, but the tech crew was out of LA and those were the local positions they were hiring). as the gear was brought in it became apparent that no one really knew how to set it all up and poof! there was mgb. he got everything up and running and ordered so that everyone could clearly see what was what, and at the end of the day the director even asked if he wanted to continue on to the Miami shoot. that part didn't actually transpire, but the point is that my husband showed up and did what he does very well (which is make life easier and more enjoyable for people who want to make things with cameras), and I'm just proud of him.

I've also been making some lifestyle/health changes over the past 5 weeks, which have been both great and challenging. I used this upcoming movie part to galvanize me into these changes, but it's a little bigger than that now. I retained a trainer, who's helped me so much. Kathy has shown me what pushing myself really looks like, and I'm acutely aware of the fact that when I was 'working out' before I was barely scratching the surface of real training. I feel so much stronger than I did before, and I'm gratified by the progress I've made with strength training. I still have some recurring issues, like lower back pain, which I believe will get better with continued core training, and feel like cardio is where I'm the weakest overall, but still... two months ago, ten minutes on the cross trainer made me huff and puff and hurt, and two days ago I did an hour between the treadmill and cross-trainer. so woot woot!

I'm challenged both by the commitment to the activity of exercise/strength training and my desire for instant gratification - I haven't magically dropped ten pounds since starting with Kathy, and there's definitely still extra stomach poochage going on. I HAVE lost about 5 pounds (and gained muscle weight, for sure) and my shape is visibly changing, but it's been and continues to be a process and I feel like I'm really earning whatever is happening. so, I have to cheerlead a little and push to keep on keepin' on.

Kathy also turned me onto the clean eating diet, which I mentioned before. I've been fairly committed to it, and mgb and I both have had a positive experience with it. in a nutshell, clean eating shoots for the following (from the front of the April/May CE magazine):

eat five or six times a day - three meals and two to three small snacks, attempting to include a lean protein, plenty of fresh fruit and veggies, and a complex carb at each meal. the goal: to keep your body energized and burning calories efficiently all day.

drink at least 2 liters of water a day - which is one of the hardest things for me, personally. they also hope you choose to drink it out of something reusable and environmentally-friendly. I recently bought a Brita water bottle, and am hoping to do better.

get label savvy - clean foods contain just one or two ingredients. in short, try to avoid the things with ingredients you can't pronounce, or that look like they need a ton of artificial fortifying.

avoid processed and refined foods - such as white flour, sugar, bread, and pasta. enjoy complex carbs such as whole grains instead. the big deal here is that we just try to choose better bread and pasta choices - there are lots of sprouted/whole grain options, so I don't feel deprived of my bread/pasta loves.

know thy enemies - steer clear of anything high in saturated and trans fats, anything fried, or anything high in sugar.

shop with a conscience - consume humanely raised and local meats. we try when we can, but budget/etc doesn't always allow for this.

consume healthy fats every day. olives, avocados, olive oil, etc. would fall here.

learn about portion sizes and work toward eating within them.

reduce your carbon footprint - eat produce that's seasonal and local. we love to shoot for this, obviously.

limit alcohol - make it a rare indulgence. this one is SO easy for me. :P

slow down and savor. food tastes best when it's savored. enjoy every bite.

take it to go. pack a cooler so you always have clean eats on the go. I got the insulated bag below from Marshall's and am still trying to get into the habit of packing it in the morning when I've got a full day. BUT, when I do, it's really great and I love that I don't have to think about where to pick up food between sessions/appointments.

make it a family affair - food is a social glue that should be shared with everyone!

things I like about it:

no calorie counting. it's most definitely a lifestyle, not a short-term weight loss plan.

supports ideals we already are attracted to - eating locally, eating fresh

I do feel better and more level energy-wise.

no food categories are off-limits, and you can choose to cheat where you wish... though I find myself not being as attracted to sugar and questionable food as I was, so I don't really pine to cheat. plus, if I eat something processed now I can feel it, and it's not particularly pleasant. pizza is probably my favorite cheat food right now, but if we make it at home it's still not THAT bad...

challenges:

planning meals/snacks requires more attention than I'm used to giving to my own daily care. I plan for the baby's outings, but can easily leave the house without my water bottle/snack/meal and not give it a thought.

remembering to shoot for the lean protein/complex carb/fruits/veg mix is requiring me to learn what all of those things are.

actually remembering to eat every 2.5-3 hrs. for example, we blew it this morning on breakfast by, oh, not eating it at all. major no-no, since now our bodies have to go forth unfueled and our metabolisms haven't been prompted into action for the day.

so far, I'm into it. I feel like it incentivizes us to eat the way we want to, anyway, and isn't rigid to the point of being too hard to incorporate into our lives right now. as far as what it costs, the jury's out on how or if it's affected our food budget. last month we were a little nuts with what we actually spent, but I'm not at all sure eating clean contributed to that. I'll be able to better tell this month.

in other news, our baby is totally standing by herself and is *this close* to walking. help us.

they're waiting on me so we can, appropriately, go grocery shop. woo-hoo! I feel like it's been so long since I've written anything that gets into what I'm really up to. I'll try not to go so long again.

-m.y.

discoveries

it's always good to learn new things about people, yes? well, in the past few days I've learned that my hubs can whip up both brownies and biscuits from scratch like *that*. this marriage thing just gets richer and richer for me. seriously, the biscuits in the photo below are my new carby boyfriends. 'were', I mean. har-har. we're at the end of our March food budget and have really tried to be good and abide by our envelopes instead of allowing ourselves to run over, and though the cupboard is looking a little bare mgb threw this delicious succotash and biscuit dinner together last night:

I've been scouting nearby parks for bucket swings for Magz, and we headed over to the neighborhood park behind Shearn after our Southern dinner. there were a lot of people out, and the baby was a bit thrown by it all. forgive all the photos, but I like to call this collection, Park... Friend or Foe?:

first impressions: very uncertain about the swing.

it got a little better.

brave enough to wave:

we still seem to be having more fun than she is.

sliding with mama. why are we here again?:

considering her position:

and deciding to engage:

climbing?

why yes, don't mind if I do!

look, Daddy, other kids doing stuff!

going the distance:

celebrating with Daddy after making it down the slide (with lots of help):

a few other discoveries of late:

- two more yoga classes taken since last I blogged... I'm bendier than I thought I was! still crazy sore, but it feels weirdly good. I do notice that there's tension in my shoulders and hips that has really taken hold, and I'm plotting the use of the spa gift certificate I got at Christmas. I think a little deep tissue massage will help jiggle some things loose...

- I'm corresponding again with my dear, lovely friend Yoko! She and her family were in northern Japan and survived the tsunami, though life is still far from easy. Yoko is a yoga instructor herself, and I wish I could take a class with her. I'm so grateful to be reconnected with her.

- taking a nap is such a delicious, luxurious thing to do. can we enforce siesta, please? I'm pretty sure it will make us all better people.

- you should always pay any EZtag toll tickets promptly, because the fines will smack you around and make you feel royally stupid for waiting so long.

- my Real Simple from two months ago has some really great stuff in it. I'm a little behind in my reading stack.

- God keeps finding ways to break through and give me glimpses of more than what I know right now.

- W's 'clothing inspiration' email - it felt like a fun discovery and just made me feel good. thanks, girl. :)

-m.y.

nine months.

good gracious, our baby is nine months old! I pretty much love this age... the only tough part is the whole "grab her quick, she's gleefully pulling up on that unsafe thing!"-part. here are our photos, taken in our front yard on this beautiful day:

ballerina!:

we're tight right now, this one and I. I am so crazy about her. the other night after watching Road to Perdition I did the whole, 'mikebell, if something happens to me you'll have to tell her all the things she needs to know, but mostly about how much I loved her.' he said sure, because no photographic evidence exists to prove such a thing...

she's still pulling up on everything, and is beginning to be brave about letting go a little. toys and books are cool, but Pat the Bunny is a special favorite and she likes doing each page's activity. we're into pointing and waving right now, and love to use our fingers to eat our Miss Barbara's hole 'n ohs, sweet potato fries, green beans, carrots, bananas, and anything else mama will put on the tray. she's getting better with the sippy and gestures to have a drink of water from our cups at mealtimes. she's still eating pretty well - I'm looking forward to more fruits and vegetables coming into season. I'm still making most of her food, and while it's easy and only requires a little more planning my most recent lesson taught me this: baking apples and pears is a ton more work and effort than just steaming or boiling them in a little water. mama's not doing it that way again. we're mashing things just a little for her to eat, and she's getting pretty good at 'chewing'. I had no idea the puree phase would be so fleeting, it seems like we moved on to chunkier fare very quickly. I've been hitting most of the foods on our pediatrician's list and have included seasonal local things we've found, but have also been taking advice from Ellyn Satter's Child of Mine; Feeding your Child with Love and Good Sense.

for kicks, here's what we LOVE right now:

1 sweet potato, cut into fries
pinch of cinnamon
drizzle of olive oil

mix it all together and bake them on a foil-lined baking sheet for 25-30 minutes @ 350. it is delicious and you'll want to eat all of them yourself.



I could write more, but she's pulled up and is peering at me from behind the laptop. and is now reaching for the power cord.

I'm out. :)

-m.y.

a 'personal' day

after waking up with the baby at 6a and waffling for about an hour, I made the super-best-most-awesome-and-unexpected choice for today: I rescheduled my audition and 4 hr session this afternoon to stay home and rest. which doesn't actually mean I spent the day on the couch or anything, but I *did* rest my voice and have a lovely, relaxing day at home drinking lots of hot things and leisurely puttering. which, I'm fairly positive, is the total opposite picture of the day I *would* have had had I gone and slug it out. *quick edit: I needed this day 'off' for more than my scratched up throat - I was reminded Saturday night at my meeting that the first, first, first thing is to take care of myself, and I'm suddenly aware that I've not been working my program very well. the evidence is in my mood swings, my thought processes, everything. here's to a step in the right direction.

this afternoon brought a sad note as I learned about the passing of a friend's dear grandmother, and I'm reminded of PaPa's passing last year. it almost seems trifling to blog about babies napping and pulling up and a lovely pile of bacon-y, shallot-y greens on days like this, when life reminds you how hard it really is to participate in the living of it. I'm thinking maybe that's why we do post about the sweet things and moments both important and inane, of kitties and 'bitties, because at the end of the day we want to hold onto connection and hope and memorialize those things we hold dear while we can. in that spirit and with deep, deep gratitude for the day I've been given, here are some things I'm happy to share today:

preparing to nap with musical seahorse! usually she's not this happy to be put down for a nap... I'm pretty sure she started bawling as soon as I walked away and was asleep in about 10 minutes.

out cold this afternoon. before falling asleep, she tends to fuss and cry and 'talk' and scoot around the bed, rubbing her face in the sheet, until she finally finds a comfy spot to settle.

playing in the kitchen while mama does dishes and makes lunch.

look what I can do! I ended up picking her up pretty quick after taking this photo, afraid her hands would slip and she'd bust her face on the cement floor. we spoke today of needing to crawl around and officially babyproof the house now. the other thing about babies crawling around on the floor, aside from making sure they don't hurt themselves, is that you're constantly looking for gross things for them to stumble upon. I mopped and Swiffered today. again.

discovering Daddy's record collection:

and now, because I really do like you guys, I want to share this recipe for delicious swiss chard. grab a couple of slices of bacon and chop them up (we love our Pederson's Farm Uncured Apple Smoked variety) :

roughly chop some shallots - you can use regular onions, sure, but shallots are milder and sweeter and way better in this dish, to my taste buds:

and chop some garlic, as much as you like:

your swiss chard should be washed, drained, and patted dry if needed. this was two bunches:

I take my knife and cut out the hard stem, stacking the leaves. I don't know what to make out of the stems and usually toss them - does anyone have another idea?:

splitting the pile into two bunches, I chop 'em all up:

in a large pan with a lid, cook your bacon and shallots, adding a little extra virgin olive oil if you need to (the bacon might render enough oil, might not). when the bacon is cooked and the shallots translucent, add in your garlic, and after a minute or two throw in the chard:

*do not be alarmed at the disembodied bear head in the photo above. it's Magz' pacifier clip that we now use to keep her from throwing her spoon to the floor at mealtime. so, you've put the chard in the pot. now for the extras... go ahead and season it with salt and pepper, add a good pinch of brown sugar, and a nice drizzle of sesame oil. the sesame oil makes it awesome and delicious!! careful, though, depending on how much oil you used back at the start it can get TOO oily, so take care in the beginning and remind yourself to leave room for the sesame oil:

mix it up, cover, and cook on med-low heat for, oh, five-eight minutes. you can always taste it to see if it's ready... it should be wilted and have lost any bitterness. sometimes, if I have a really strong, tough green, I'll cook it down and then add in some spinach to lighten it up, but this chard was delicious all on it's own:

voila. this was the plate mgb and I shared for lunch. yes, those are crunchy fish sticks. not pictured is the sriracha ketchup for dipping. gourmet all the way.

and now it's time to get ready to celebrate husband's birthday by eating at one of our favorite restaurants and then walking across the street to see this band's show. they're one of mgb's favorites; from my limited listening I'm under the impression that the lead guy just yells alot. :)

love, everybody.

-m.y.

of apples and support

one of my renewed resolutions (because they're always the same, really) is to keep learning to make room for space and activities that are purely for my mental and physical health, because I'm a better wife/mother/worker/friend/human being when I'm not wound up and endlessly tasking. a truth made all the more stark by the addition of a baby into our lives. these spaces/activities include, but are not limited to, the following:

making the most of opportunities to sleep/rest

reading

exercise

eating - not skipping meals or getting into ruts of eating things that aren't good for me

seeing friends and engaging with people

keeping up with my appearance

and volunteering my time and skills where I can, when I'm able.

and, of course, all of these fall behind the main one involving God and His desire to be on my schedule. how bad that sounds to me... fitting God into MY schedule. boo. this creation needs renewed perspective of the Creator.

I've already finished my first book of the year - Beautiful Boy, by David Sheff. I bought it almost a year ago, along with a couple of other books I'm hoping to crack into soon. according to the jacket, it was the best nonfiction book of 2008, and I can certainly understand why. it's a tough book about the descent of a young man into meth addiction, as seen through the eyes of his father. as Nic fell further into the black hole of addiction, Sheff tried to take some kind of control and make sense of what was happening to his son by doing a lot of research, which is educational but frankly interested me less than the actual story of what happened to his family. it's heartbreaking and exasperating, and a really good read for anyone wanting a glimpse into what it's like to deal with addicts, the frustrating nature of treatment for many of them, and the necessity of help and support for families of addicts. I DID find one part of his research interesting - in searching the country to get treatment for Nic, you get the strong sense that Sheff found rehabs and such to be, in many ways, a crapshoot - expensive and tough to quantify/qualify in terms of 'success' or actual, lasting help. I really enjoy true stories - real life experiences can be so compelling. that's why I like documentaries so much, too, though I don't see near as many as I'd probably like.

I've also been to the gym twice in the last week, which is a major step up from 'nothing'. it's also on the list for today! woo-hoo! I'll happily share this little piece of support equipment - yes, equipment - that has made my gym experience fully 80% better:

I never had to really worry about such things before, but we're living in a post-baby world and all things are new. I now have the gray sports bra (Victoria's Secret VSX Sexy Sport) pictured above, and I can't tell you the difference it makes. normally I avoid things with underwires, but this bra is awesome and provides really good support. my attempts at running on the treadmill are no longer painful, plus I just feel generally less sloppy. they're not cheap, but in my opinion it's worth every cent and I'd enthusiastically recommend everyone get one.

here's something guaranteed to make you chuckle. this was our first experience with applesauce. funny, we've given her a bit of banana and the applesauce, and her reactions to both were to make these faces, like they're bitter. I suppose anything tastes crazy after rice cereal, oatmeal, and multigrain/barley cereal (the latter of which is our fave). please note, she's trying to be nice and giving me smiles and things in this video, but a few bites later she was all, 'um, I hate to be rude but really don't want it. AT ALL. stop it. I'm going to clamp my mouth shut against that gross stuff.' this morning's effort was a little more successful, as I mixed just a little of the applesauce into her cereal that she wolfed down. I only tried a little more of straight applesauce at the end, a couple of small bites of which she stoically choked down. we may switch to peas after the three day apple introduction and see how she feels about veggies.

it's all a blur

last week was super-busy, but ended up going off pretty much without a hitch. the hardest time was probably Tuesday - as the day wore on and the shoot went into overtime, every time I thought about Magz at home my eyes would well up. it was the longest I've been away from her, about 6:45a-7:15p, and it was tough. we all survived in the end, but by the time we got back to Houston Thursday night I was BEAT. done. kaput. toothpicks holding up my eyelids. I only had a quick VO session Friday, so I spent the day and weekend resting up and spending a lot of time holding and playing with the baby. aside from the blessing of work, one of the best things about the week was that Magz got to hang out with both of her grandmothers while I was on set Thursday. thanks for riding with us, Grammy, and for meeting us in Austin, Marmee! here're some new photos you can print out for Grandma & Yaya - give 'em a big hug and kiss from us!

hey... what are those things down there??

comeer you stripey rascals!

oh, they're FEET, you say?

hilarious.

being sweet

top 'o the mornin' to ye!

I'm a maniac, maniac...

I'm shocked you're taking another photo.

tummy time, everybody.

oof, my head is heavy.

taking a Saturday afternoon stroll.

playing with mama on Sunday

mama's loving this moment so she took a picture.

concentrated frustration. mama thinks we could harness it and power our house.

maggie's dedication was yesterday at church - it was so sweet. we love SWC. we decided to take this opportunity to snag some family photos:

and husband made this delectable dish for our dinner... chicken, mushrooms. spinach, and some delicious sauce:

the end. for now.