yay!

today's dr. visit was good - my fluid levels, while not high, are stable, and dr. adam said she saw no reason to induce! she wants to see me again in two weeks, I'm supposed to count kicks after meals and make sure the baby keeps moving around like she should, and for now we get to operate under the assumption that we get to plan for a 'normal' delivery (whatever that will look like).

praise God!!

and I bought curtain fabric. :)

what's 'good enough'?

I got back from my Saturday night gathering a little while ago, and am still buoyant from being there. the topic tonight was about settling for less than perfection - knowing when to call it a day and say that, whatever it is, is 'good enough'. this REALLY resonated with me right now, and it seemed that from the get-go the meeting was all about reminding me of what's what:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

I don't feel I'm doing anything very perfectly right now. I'm not unpacking and decorating my house as quickly as I'd like. I haven't finished my breastfeeding books, or found birds to go on the nursery walls yet. or made the curtains. though I think I've finally settled on fabric! but I haven't bought it. I haven't packed my hospital bag. my car is a wreck - if we tried to bring a baby home in it right now she'd be covered with dog hair before we pulled out of Methodist. I'm not done with my thank you notes. my to-do list grows and grows, and I'm accepting that I may not actually get caught up until next year.

Lest you think I'm looking for some sort of reassurance that this is normal, let me just tell you that I know, and it's okay. I mean, I do know some of these things need to get done, and some of them eventually will... with varying degrees of skill and thoroughness, I'm sure. I've been walking the delicate and awkward tightrope of unpacking/everyday living and errands/work/rest & water, and I'm very aware that some things have to give depending on how each day goes. my body is betraying the truth of where we are - I'm walking slower, getting up and down is a very thoughtful process, and too much standing sets my left hip on freaking fire. I seem to be constantly reminding myself to drink more water. that part I hope sticks - water really does make you feel better, and trying a sip of diet coke the other day made me want to gag and scrape my tongue.

one of the things I've learned to do is to accept way more help than I'm used to taking. I've always been fairly independent, and have probably taken too much pride in that quality in my adulthood (though it IS something I'm proud of. I really think it's important to know how to take care of yourself). I've been around the block a few times and I know what I like and how I like to do it. there might be a control issue or two there, and boundaries definitely come into play as I try to keep my fence from being crossed by others in ways that make me uncomfortable. having said that, it's impossible to imagine getting through the last few weeks, or experiencing the next few, without a tremendous amount of help. things that might have made me crazy before - like allowing others to put things away for me - suddenly are just a huge relief. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? it turns out I need the thing in this drawer instead of that one, and I move it later. for now, it's good enough, great even.

this is growth. I hope it sticks around post-baby, too.

there was more I wanted to write, but I'm so sleepy. that ice cream sandwich was the perfect nightcap.

-m.y.

good news, cherries, and other favorite things

the best thing about today was going to my doctor, hearing his positivity, and seeing my fluids up a little again. the baby's heart rate is great and she's moving a lot - I even got to see her curl up her little toes on the ultrasound, which I loved. the doc said we'd wait and see what my specialist says on Monday and hope to formulate a game plan from there. but yay - go rest and water! I'd really like to be on the other side of 37 weeks before she comes, but I'm open to whatever is best.

we've still got pictures floating around in my brother-in-law's camera, but here are a few from mine from the SWC baby shower:









and this was just after they refinished our floors:

pretty, huh?! we love how they turned out.

and THESE are some of my favorite things today.

Daddy's first present to her - he brought these home today:

Yaya's kitty. it's been with me since I was three, and it made me happy

to hang it in our little girl's room.

Whale spout cover and rubber ducky!

this is what you see when you're in the tub. the whale watches you.

I adore this owl-y pack-n-play.

and this dog.

this photo is full of favorite things: the painting (a friend painted it - it's called 'Eisenglass', which means 'clarifying agent'), the trusty and comfy leather couch, the macbook, and my lucky Houston Oilers water glass.

this man. every day, but especially today.

the dinner he made me.

and there will be brownies later.

-m.y.

I'll be back.

I promise. I'll try to catch up a little tomorrow. for now: we're moved. Praise Him.

lalala, awake at 2am...

pregnancy post alert! don't read any further if you're fed up with baby business!

I've been up for the last 30 minutes, feeling the baby kick and squirm around and my chest burn crazily. oh, heartburn. you foul fiend. thank the Maker for Tums - I prefer assorted fruit-flavor but let's face it, big, chalky buttons of calcium carbonate are only cast as heroes in the face of the persistent villian that is Really Awful Heartburn.

hubz has never had heartburn. something to know about him.

I've had it fairly infrequently during my pregnancy, but this last trimester is taking the cake. other tidbits of note and random thoughts:

I get tired way faster these days. wah-ha-ha-AY.

I've moved many times and consider myself something of a pro, but this time is different. I know it'll all come together and everything important will eventually get packed, but I'm just generally accomplishing things so much slower than normal.

we set a move date! May 17. boo-yah.

I'm a little nervous that I won't get everything unpacked and done to my liking by the time the baby gets here, but what can you do?

the choice of clothes that fit well is dwindling. the things that do fit feel vitally precious to me.

I can't wait to have a few new things. like, um, undergarments. really.

I've totally entered that phase in pregnancy that you read about, where... um... let's just say pantyliners are my friend, everyday. I mean, I've had to use them all along - not for anything scary, just for stuff that any pregnancy book will tell you is normal pregnancy discharge-business with babies pressing down on internal structures - but now there's the lack of control of certain muscles down there to contend with, too, and I pretty much just want to take a shower every 5 hours to start over, fresh. too much information? sorry. I hear it only gets more gruesome and gooey from here on out for me, though.

speaking of, I was reading 'Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy' yesterday about this part of the journey through birth... and it was sobering. really. like, I got a little stirring in my spirit that this is all really happening and it's apparently going to have some really gross, painful parts ahead.

with a baby on the other side!

please, God, help her get here safe.

I've tended to only seek out information as I needed it instead of reading up on everything all at once, which has had it's advantages. disadvantages include feeling a little behind sometimes - for example, I feel like the clock is ticking to learn what I can about breastfeeding. I've got two books waiting to be read about it! I'm still not tripping about sleep schedule schools of thought yet, though. books I've liked the most so far include Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter, Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp (which I actually haven't finished yet, but really like the gist of), What to Expect When You're Expecting and I'm Pregnant - A week-to-week Guide from Conception to Birth (good developmental books), and the later part of the Girlfriend Guide book. honestly, I skipped the first part and went straight to the chapters that interested me, like what to really take to the hospital, what to expect with waters breaking and mucus plugs, and all of the grody insider birthing info I touched on before.

incidentally, husband and I have both noticed that a lot of pregnancy books, stores, and products treat men as though they're completely stupid. one manly, urban, messenger-looking diaper bag we saw even had a checklist printed on the inside for the dad - the top of the list? THE BABY. yeah, don't forget the baby, dude. it's sort of funny, but we also find a lot of the humorous insinuations about dad's-to-be to be pretty insulting.

my ability to obsess is being honed. one of the things that drove me out of bed tonight - besides the burning in my chest - was the burning thought that I wasn't sure where my spa gift card was! what if it's lost?! how will I ever find it?! I should get up now and look for it, no time like the middle of the night!

fyi, it's right behind me on the top shelf of the red knick-knack thingy that I'm pretty sure won't be going with us to Woodfin. with the other gift cards I'm afraid we'll lose in this madness.

the house is looking so good! sorry for lack of pictures, I promise I'll put some up soon. punch list of things to do before the 17th: finish the baseboards for the bathroom, kitchen, and skylight room, touch up some trim, tear out the closet in the garage to make room for the dryer (the current configuration has the washer on one wall and the dryer awkwardly on another with no external exhaust), paint the interior of the garage (this is more a wish on my part), purchase a washer & dryer, clean/pressure wash the siding on the house (totally cosmetic, but the girl needs to wash her face, if you know what I mean). we hope to eventually replace many of the doors inside, build some bookcases, purchase a few furniture/storage pieces, and do a number of other things, but that stuff can happen later. the washer and dryer need is pressing! I have a ton of precious little clothes and things that have to be washed before they can touch our baby!

while I've generally felt pretty well, I do see what all of the women who've done this before talk about with the aches and the discomfort. I'm feeling so much heavier, and I can't help but waddle around. our current laundry area is super-cramped at 406 - easy enough when I had my old body, but this new one does NOT want to fit and my poor belly gets ouchily bumped every time I try to squeeze back there. I do try to stretch frequently - and that really does feel so good! - but this prominent belly can make it super awkward. I feel accepting of this, though - not to sound all Pollyannaish, but I honestly find it all so remarkable and have such respect for how our bodies work and change to sustain and carry life, that even in the weirdness of it all I haven't tread into 'I can't wait 'til this is over' territory yet (though I'm told this phase comes to everyone in the end). case in point, it's now after three in the morning and I don't have it in me to be mad about lack of sleep. I mean, I know this is all fleeting and doesn't last forever, it's happened to millions of other women and they survived, and I'm guessing it's God's way of preparing and toughening us up in different physical, psychological, and spiritual ways for birth and motherhood. plus, there's a part of me that believes my baby (and God) 'hears' what I say, and I want to keep negativity at a minimum and focus on wanting her and the wild blessing of it all. I mean, I'm the girl who, just a few years back, thought family wasn't in the cards for her! plus plus, this all has a great deal to do with self-care and prioritizing, which are lessons I feel I'm constantly trying to learn. listening to your body, trying to be good to yourself, pushing through and doing what you need to do to be good to your baby, even if you don't feel like it... but back to whining a little about discomfort: while I do feel tightness in my lower back, it doesn't hurt near as much as my 'haunches' some days, and sometimes my sweet husband will rub my hips and joints as I hold onto anything and try not to shriek...

tomorrow is Friday! for me, that means more attempts at packing, dropping the dog off for his first haircut of the season, a mound of pages to go read, A NAP, and most likely meeting hubz at Woodfin with dinner as he tackles the punch list with gusto after work. we really are so excited to be over there soon, and we feel good about how everything's been done so far. I got my blow money for the month, and am excited to go purchase some fabric I fell in love with a couple of weeks ago at Glick Textiles. it's not even for the baby's room... I think I'm going to make curtains for our room with it. we'll see. baby room fabric has yet to be purchased, but it's totally on my dance card.

so much to do!

it's all going to be okay.

and please keep my dear friend Write Softly in your prayers today (Friday) - she's going to have her baby! her latest post is so sweet... what great examples of motherhood I have around me!

goodnight. again.

-m.y.

do they make maternity pants to fit your life?

because in many ways, life right now feels like my expanding stomach - as though there's sometimes just a little too much of it to fit comfortably between the seams.

from the moment we found about about Papa's death Sunday-week ago until this past Sunday afternoon, life whizzed by at warp speed and everything I'd thought was going to happen was turned on it's end. as I wrote before, though, it all went as well as anyone could have hoped, and for a crazy and emotional week there were blessings to be found all over. did I have moments of mild meltdown? yes. were they fairly fleeting? yes. was it hard that M was out of town working the entire week, and I realized how much I've come to depend on him? uh-huh. a few of my favorite things about the week:

children at viewings and funerals.

riding up and back with my aunt

really remembering our wonderful Papa as he was, not as he was the past few years

knowing my Yaya was with him 'til the end. her example of sacrificial love has marked all of us.

hearing the details of his death, and knowing there is comfort in those details.

knowing Papa's body was tired and just wanted to stop.

knowing he'd spent a really nice weekend out at mom and dad's ranch.

seeing all of my cousins and their children... all of my family, for that matter.

singing with my cousins at the funeral. though we're scattered, we've been taught well and are deeply united.

the wonderful prayers I heard.

the service I witnessed, as family seeks to care for one another.

the many hands that blessed my belly.

it all went by so fast, but nothing was missed or done halfway. the service was memorable, the flowers were beautiful, tears were shed, stories were told, the bittersweet process of moving on was begun, and the whole thing was touched by God.

then it was back to Houston, to catch up on work and prepare for the family coming in for our church baby shower this weekend. I didn't sleep so well last week and felt so tired, but everything came together (as it does) and I was SO HAPPY to have Mom, Yaya, Linda, and Mo in town, especially after such a hard week. travel like that can be rough even if you're having a good week! I was sad my Grandma couldn't make it, but she sent the sweet Raggedy Anns she made for the baby, and they were proudly displayed at the shower. the Sargent's house was decorated so thoughtfully and sweetly, and the hostesses all did SUCH a lovely job! my camera ran out of juice and I haven't extracted the ones we got (or gotten the ones off of my brother-in-law's camera), so pictures will have to come later, but we were seriously showered with such generosity that I felt a little overwhelmed in the eye of it. which is actually a very nice place to be if you're me right now - when your firm grasp on things, your need to control, is lessened and you find yourself transparently bobbing along and reflexively, gratefully, accepting the things that are happening to you, you really do have the sense that your way is being guided by the One who knows best how to steer your boat. we started unpacking baby things at the new old house yesterday, and were overwhelmed again at the beautiful, sweet, helpful things we received. I also found 2 gift cards that weren't opened at the shower! which made me a little sad, honestly... I always want people to know how much their gifts are appreciated, and wouldn't want anyone to leave thinking I overlooked them in the happy chaos of the day. I'm trusting that it's all fine, and that my bang-up thank you notes will ensure that people know how touched we are.

my sweet family left Sunday after church, and as we left SWC M and I vowed to have a day of rest. we went to Central Market to buy some groceries for the week, came home and made lunch, took deep naps, and started packing a few boxes while catching up on the DVR. I'm determined to sift through and find another home for things we no longer need, so we're parting with almost all of our VHS collection and only keeping special tapes, like ones with family reunions, holiday videos, and my old plays and commercials - if anyone is holding onto this media format, we've got some good flicks to give away!

yesterday we started working on the rest of the bathroom. we painted walls, took out the old toilet, put in a new one, and placed the vanity where it goes. oh, and M built the crib, assembled the pack-n-play, and played with the stroller/carseat! we're not done, but the end is in sight and it's SO exciting. after work today, I'm hoping to finish touching up the bathroom paint (and maybe tackle the closet in there) and touch up trim around the house. it really is all coming together, but my to-do list still seems very long. and, of course, I'm drinking copious amounts of water and really trying to stay stress-free and off my feet as much as possible.

so there it is. I'm almost reluctant to hit post and log off - this has been a nice, quiet morning of macbook and decaf after a good sleep, and I'm loathe to let the day intrude on me yet. BUT, God has sent me some nice work to do (woo-hoo!) and a house to go play in that now has cable and internet (woo-hoo!), so I should hop to it. oh, and next week I'm scheduled for a 2-day Fiesta commercial shoot. I think they're going to just shoot shoulders up, but we'll see. I'm thankful beyond measure for the work, but a little nervous about how the days will play out. pray for a good memory and enough energy to make it through!

-m.y.