lalala, awake at 2am...

pregnancy post alert! don't read any further if you're fed up with baby business!

I've been up for the last 30 minutes, feeling the baby kick and squirm around and my chest burn crazily. oh, heartburn. you foul fiend. thank the Maker for Tums - I prefer assorted fruit-flavor but let's face it, big, chalky buttons of calcium carbonate are only cast as heroes in the face of the persistent villian that is Really Awful Heartburn.

hubz has never had heartburn. something to know about him.

I've had it fairly infrequently during my pregnancy, but this last trimester is taking the cake. other tidbits of note and random thoughts:

I get tired way faster these days. wah-ha-ha-AY.

I've moved many times and consider myself something of a pro, but this time is different. I know it'll all come together and everything important will eventually get packed, but I'm just generally accomplishing things so much slower than normal.

we set a move date! May 17. boo-yah.

I'm a little nervous that I won't get everything unpacked and done to my liking by the time the baby gets here, but what can you do?

the choice of clothes that fit well is dwindling. the things that do fit feel vitally precious to me.

I can't wait to have a few new things. like, um, undergarments. really.

I've totally entered that phase in pregnancy that you read about, where... um... let's just say pantyliners are my friend, everyday. I mean, I've had to use them all along - not for anything scary, just for stuff that any pregnancy book will tell you is normal pregnancy discharge-business with babies pressing down on internal structures - but now there's the lack of control of certain muscles down there to contend with, too, and I pretty much just want to take a shower every 5 hours to start over, fresh. too much information? sorry. I hear it only gets more gruesome and gooey from here on out for me, though.

speaking of, I was reading 'Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy' yesterday about this part of the journey through birth... and it was sobering. really. like, I got a little stirring in my spirit that this is all really happening and it's apparently going to have some really gross, painful parts ahead.

with a baby on the other side!

please, God, help her get here safe.

I've tended to only seek out information as I needed it instead of reading up on everything all at once, which has had it's advantages. disadvantages include feeling a little behind sometimes - for example, I feel like the clock is ticking to learn what I can about breastfeeding. I've got two books waiting to be read about it! I'm still not tripping about sleep schedule schools of thought yet, though. books I've liked the most so far include Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter, Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp (which I actually haven't finished yet, but really like the gist of), What to Expect When You're Expecting and I'm Pregnant - A week-to-week Guide from Conception to Birth (good developmental books), and the later part of the Girlfriend Guide book. honestly, I skipped the first part and went straight to the chapters that interested me, like what to really take to the hospital, what to expect with waters breaking and mucus plugs, and all of the grody insider birthing info I touched on before.

incidentally, husband and I have both noticed that a lot of pregnancy books, stores, and products treat men as though they're completely stupid. one manly, urban, messenger-looking diaper bag we saw even had a checklist printed on the inside for the dad - the top of the list? THE BABY. yeah, don't forget the baby, dude. it's sort of funny, but we also find a lot of the humorous insinuations about dad's-to-be to be pretty insulting.

my ability to obsess is being honed. one of the things that drove me out of bed tonight - besides the burning in my chest - was the burning thought that I wasn't sure where my spa gift card was! what if it's lost?! how will I ever find it?! I should get up now and look for it, no time like the middle of the night!

fyi, it's right behind me on the top shelf of the red knick-knack thingy that I'm pretty sure won't be going with us to Woodfin. with the other gift cards I'm afraid we'll lose in this madness.

the house is looking so good! sorry for lack of pictures, I promise I'll put some up soon. punch list of things to do before the 17th: finish the baseboards for the bathroom, kitchen, and skylight room, touch up some trim, tear out the closet in the garage to make room for the dryer (the current configuration has the washer on one wall and the dryer awkwardly on another with no external exhaust), paint the interior of the garage (this is more a wish on my part), purchase a washer & dryer, clean/pressure wash the siding on the house (totally cosmetic, but the girl needs to wash her face, if you know what I mean). we hope to eventually replace many of the doors inside, build some bookcases, purchase a few furniture/storage pieces, and do a number of other things, but that stuff can happen later. the washer and dryer need is pressing! I have a ton of precious little clothes and things that have to be washed before they can touch our baby!

while I've generally felt pretty well, I do see what all of the women who've done this before talk about with the aches and the discomfort. I'm feeling so much heavier, and I can't help but waddle around. our current laundry area is super-cramped at 406 - easy enough when I had my old body, but this new one does NOT want to fit and my poor belly gets ouchily bumped every time I try to squeeze back there. I do try to stretch frequently - and that really does feel so good! - but this prominent belly can make it super awkward. I feel accepting of this, though - not to sound all Pollyannaish, but I honestly find it all so remarkable and have such respect for how our bodies work and change to sustain and carry life, that even in the weirdness of it all I haven't tread into 'I can't wait 'til this is over' territory yet (though I'm told this phase comes to everyone in the end). case in point, it's now after three in the morning and I don't have it in me to be mad about lack of sleep. I mean, I know this is all fleeting and doesn't last forever, it's happened to millions of other women and they survived, and I'm guessing it's God's way of preparing and toughening us up in different physical, psychological, and spiritual ways for birth and motherhood. plus, there's a part of me that believes my baby (and God) 'hears' what I say, and I want to keep negativity at a minimum and focus on wanting her and the wild blessing of it all. I mean, I'm the girl who, just a few years back, thought family wasn't in the cards for her! plus plus, this all has a great deal to do with self-care and prioritizing, which are lessons I feel I'm constantly trying to learn. listening to your body, trying to be good to yourself, pushing through and doing what you need to do to be good to your baby, even if you don't feel like it... but back to whining a little about discomfort: while I do feel tightness in my lower back, it doesn't hurt near as much as my 'haunches' some days, and sometimes my sweet husband will rub my hips and joints as I hold onto anything and try not to shriek...

tomorrow is Friday! for me, that means more attempts at packing, dropping the dog off for his first haircut of the season, a mound of pages to go read, A NAP, and most likely meeting hubz at Woodfin with dinner as he tackles the punch list with gusto after work. we really are so excited to be over there soon, and we feel good about how everything's been done so far. I got my blow money for the month, and am excited to go purchase some fabric I fell in love with a couple of weeks ago at Glick Textiles. it's not even for the baby's room... I think I'm going to make curtains for our room with it. we'll see. baby room fabric has yet to be purchased, but it's totally on my dance card.

so much to do!

it's all going to be okay.

and please keep my dear friend Write Softly in your prayers today (Friday) - she's going to have her baby! her latest post is so sweet... what great examples of motherhood I have around me!

goodnight. again.

-m.y.