thursday night

bone tired
but have yet to remove my shoes.
thinking of what needs to be cleaned and washed and put away
and the things to be done and words to be read tomorrow and the days after that
to meet deadlines and satisfy just cause for payment.
fresh from nursing again
and in such love of her weight and rounded little self
so generous and content except when IT'S TIME TO EAT MAMA
and she's suddenly strong and possessive of me.
the other one is in her bed
learning so much now and soooo dramatic
I ache for her safety and understanding
the other day I taught her what to do if she looks for me
and can't find me
in the morning I will hold them both while we watch the Today show
and I'll love it and accept the big one's offer to add 'cream' from her sippy
to my coffee.
my love is at a rock show and I'm so glad because
he loves it and I love him.
the house is quiet and I should do my daily touchstone tasks and go to bed:
put away toys
wipe the table and counters
wash sippy cups again and again
but crazy stupid love is on hbo and I sit here
and suddenly decide to type something about how much I love
her
and her
and him
and how I'm sometimes lost in the tractor beam of all of the busy good things we do
and so hopped up on caffeine and my mental list and cramming it all in
I look up and wonder where the day went
and what I'm tethered to.
I miss them and I want a vacation, staycation, whatever
I want to go on retreat and come back changed.
I have so incredibly very much that it seems an ugly, narcissistic, emotional indulgence
to allow myself to wander down the 'what am I doing?' road again and wax general melancholy.
but I heard someone lost their husband yesterday
and two small boys lost their father
and heartbreak happens all the time.
and I try to love God and Jesus and trust and not be afraid
but I weep to think of losing this and I wrap my arms around them while I can
and say please please please.

I don't know how to end what I started here.
husband just texted a lyric and I can picture him singing it loud and with his hand up
crazy stupid love is a good movie
not safe for kids, but good.

more things I found!

happy first day of november!  please enjoy this photo gallery:

Seeds class.... I do believe this might have been one of CJS's first days being in the nursery...

trunk or treat @ wmbc:

dora at the top of the big slide:

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!  (she loved this, btw, and strongly protested when it was time to go)

what... you got somethin' to say about it?

wild and wooly day ahead.  have a good one, everybody!

-m.y.

look what I found!

photos from my phone:

from W's wedding shower!

recipe for Yellow Lemon Cake with Candied Lemons and Pistachios found here... a very wow!-looking cake and not hard to make... and Chipotle Apple Pecan Cake... spicy, surprising, and super-cool!

more photos to come throughout the day... I've apparently ignored my phone...

-m.y.

Favorite Thursday wrap-up... On Friday.

Dinner with friends. The dear one who holds my baby so I can relax and eat every morsel of food. Watching Up All Night with husband. Falling asleep during Parks and Rec. And this in the mornings: Magz, couch, grandma's afghan, the Today show, pumpkin coffee, bad hair, slightly blurry:




Happy cooler Friday everybody.

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4:45p Fave edition

This face.




These people.




Encouraged. :)




Coconut LaCroix + KIND bar pre-dinner snack *FTW! (while pumping... which decidedly does NOT show up on my list of favorite things. *and does anyone reference 'for the win' anymore?)





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Fave Things... you know...

Talking into microphones. I pretty much plan to do this as long as I have a voicebox. Just 2 today, and new romance audiobook begins tomorrow...

Casino spot!





Loooongggg Computer Hardware course... Throat is dry after one 66pg module, 9 more to go...




Now to knock out one more before calling it a day...

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Fave Things Thursday cont'd

Behold:




Self-pay amount for a Pap test, I just mail in my $40 payment. As opposed to the $125ish regular amount. We belong to a Christian co-op health plan, which basically means we cash flow regular checkups/immunizations/etc, always requesting whatever cash discount we can get, and our health plan kicks in as soon as an out of the ordinary procedure or test is ordered (also based on the cash price negotiated). We either send them the discounted bill, or they reimburse us if we had to pay it ourselves.

For more info, go to http://www.chministries.org/ or talk to Michael, as he just finished dealing with everything associated with Ruby's birth.


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NOT a favorite thing...

Delicious socks with holes in the toe.




I can afford new ones, really. I just like these. Boo, they should be allowed to retire, I suppose. And I'm removing them for the doc, no need for him to see that I have a hard time letting go of things...

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Favorite Things Thursday

As I sit here waiting for my yearly lady-checkup, I thought 'it's been awhile since you blogged.' So I'mna post some things I like right now throughout the day, as I travel hither and yon to work & do my bidness.






First, rdio. It's great. I jam to it, both enjoying things I already know I like and checking out things I'm curious about, like Pink and Lady Gaga. http://www.rdio.com/



Saucony Jazz tennis shoes. I want another pair. I think I got mine @ Zappos.com... They have different styles & colors, and even a Vegan line.





This Cocoon cardigan from Target. I got it in gold and looooove it. Want another. Would make a good gift.

Uh-oh, my turn to see the doc. More later.


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go-to eats for youngins?

so give up the goods.  for real, y'all.  what do you feed your families in a pinch?  like, what's your go-to I-can-totally-throw-this-down-in-a-flash-and-the-kids'll-eat-it meal?  mine is, without a doubt, pasta plus frozen veg.  I'll grab a handful of any kind of pasta, toss it in boiling water, add some frozen broccoli or peas, and toss the whole thing in a little butter and maybe some parmesan (or separate out the broccoli and toss the pasta in spaghetti sauce) and Magz will always, always eat it.  heck, I'll always eat it.

I'm open to new ideas, so let's hear 'em.

we were on our own tonight, since M had to work.  it's no secret that my husband does most of the cooking around here... mostly because he's really good at it.  I felt pretty accomplished with the following (especially knowing that I'd have to confess it to the fitness app on my phone)... roasted carrots, brown rice, fresh green beans tossed in a little olive oil, butter & salt (not pictured, dessert of applesauce-Magz and yogurt/honey/flaxseed-mama):

-m.y.

Whatwhat?!

Our baby did this today:




side-roller. Side roller!! She even pushed her foot over more and made like she was gonna try to turn completely over. That's nuts! It's too soon, right? The angel-girl is only 11 weeks old! I don't seem to know anything, since this is my second baby and I now ignore those baby center development emails in favor of believing that whatever she does is probably just fine.

So fast. It's going so fast. But she's wonderful and such a good-natured, happy baby. I can't wish time to stand still, so we'll cheer this first move toward mobility and just be grateful for it all.

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Testing, testing, 123...

So I'm trying this app. We'll see if it works.

Today I'm feeling like a loner of sorts, but a somewhat justified one. Am I the only person who, no, does not wish to post my games/scores on Facebook? Or what I listen to, or read, or how my food plan is going? I get swapping music or book recommendations with people when it strikes you, or sharing articles of interest, but man...

I require a little mystery.

I feel weird about being publicly monitored.

The truth is, I struggle to keep up with the 'communities' I'm currently involved with, and while I want the access to music, books, calorie counters, and scramble with friends I don't really require much of a social aspect with it.

It's in real life that I need friends and accountability and people knowing what I'm doing. Truth.

This is not a judgement toward those who engage in such things, really. I've obviously got some personal preferences and a desire to control access to parts of myself, as is evidenced by my continued use of 'married yoshimi' here instead of my name. Ah well.

I'm now on Goodreads, and am excited about my 'to read' stack. It's well-intentioned, and I hope to become a reader again. Don't let this post wig you out about friending me there... I just don't care for the entire fb community to know I'm finally hoping to read Luci Shaw's poems.

-my



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while on my third cup of coffee

"The breezes taste

Of apple peel.

The air is full

Of smells to feel-

Ripe fruit, old footballs,

Burning brush,

New books, erasers,

Chalk, and such.

The bee, his hive,

Well-honeyed hum,

And Mother cuts

Chrysanthemums.

Like plates washed clean

With suds, the days

Are polished with

A morning haze."

-   John Updike, September

still shots are tough for a 2 month old...

sister has a similar photo at 3 months in this onesie

mama, why do you focus on the toys in the background?

mama, on a Friday afternoon after a week of work, and travel, and family, and new iphone, and  blessing.

bubbles, baby rolls, and a sad, jagged old pedicure

the arcade fire t-shirt fits again

morning outdoor apparatus:

doll-baby.

thanks for today off the top of my head:

to LC and mom, for watching my babies this week

and through whose generosity and care

I think we came home more rested than before.

for the night at K & L's church, for perspective and getting to just be there

for work that isn't too much right now

for travel that was pretty okay

for the ipad and dora the explorer

for good people to work with

for changing seasons

for a clean house

for the urge to simplify

for a baby who sleeps and laughs

for a 2 year old who started calling us by our names this week

for the One who starts to pull and beckon 

just as you fear your flame's gone out.

and for the Jesus I tell my babies about.  I still believe.

-m.y.