I post photos.

I can't even begin to try to describe the past few weeks. so let's just look at pictures I collected on my camera during that time.

first up, we went to M's friend's wedding over at U of H. here's our fun, pretty, and VOCAL girl:

this dress was my mother's day gift - it's totally fly, for real.

documentation of that first big bruise, compliments of the coffee table. and there's Goodnight Moon, which is still a favorite. she likes to show you where the kitties are.

after my Mexico trip, after work, after the trip to Hico and Grandad's funeral, after the trip home and more work, and after throwing my house together in the blink of an eye, we had Magz' first birthday party. it was a total success - we were so glad to see family and friends, and I really wish I'd had it in me to take more photos. I'm grateful to my brother for snapping a few shots, even though the light coming in from the skylight makes Maggie look like a glowing radioactive cherub:

I rather like the slight blurriness of the photos. it looks a little bit like it felt to me, like we we'd just stepped off the Tilt-A-Whirl and were trying to get our bearings:

this is not clean eating. :)

in a real pool for the first time. we should all have a floatie like this.

with daddy and momo.

100% adorable.

with yaya. fyi, when we went up to the metroplex last Wednesday we sort of stopped giving her bottles. I took some, just in case, but we never broke them out. so it's sippy cups and whole milk all the way for this one-year-old:

I wanted to chronicle the fact that one of her favorite toys around here was this cheap Office Max calculator:

riding yaya's wheels at the reunion in Ft. Worth last weekend:

pretty mo.

unabashedly eating berries. she does not care.

studying cousin K with marmee.

considering a meltdown.

i love my daddy.

and this was today, after I'd read for 5 hrs and hit the church for a meeting. Magz & I ran out to do some errands and give mgb a break, and when we got home I got to sit and enjoy this while I caught up on a stack of dvr'd episodes of 19 Kids and Counting. don't judge.

I think I'm starting to breathe deeply again.

guess what's not in this post? any photos from Mexico, because they're all on my phone. so I'll have to blog again, I guess.

:)

mgb makes good hummus from total scratch. and I love it when he makes us cold wedge salad in the summertime and cuts up bell pepper instead of tomato.

I could not have accomplished the birthday party/housecleaning effort without lindabell's help. really, I couldn't have.

grandad's funeral was wonderful. my brother said the best things.

in the last few weeks, I've let myself off the hook for trying to be awesome at everything all the time, but I'm really ready to start eating well again. and I miss working out.

I am, apparently, a reading machine. oh, and if you're a teacher you may encounter the training programs I'm doing now... why don't you go ahead and start imagining how you can transition your classroom to a multi-media, online format. don't worry, your organization's LMS should be a great help, and you can shoot for gradual blended learning if the online component freaks you out. but buck up, soldier - the technology is here to stay, people are already drawn to it, and it can add a lot of options to your class to help different kinds of learners, so make friends with the computer and let it help us turn out critical thinkers who're actively participating in their educations. *sorry, I've read a lot of these things the past few days.*

I can't wait to have my hair chopped off.

our baby is toddling.

I'm blessed beyond my understanding.

-m.y.

a stolen moment catch-up

it's been sort of busy around here. you know, stuff and work and stuff.

I think to write things all the time and they never seem to make it here. but here's an update!

I've been making an appearance at the Y more. 2 of Olga's yoga classes, even! which are so so hard. the plan is to hit another today, to ring in the weekend with the appropriate level of muscle-spasmy ouch-but-yay accomplishment. my attention span being what it is, I've been doing modified circuit training and running sprints lately. that's fun to type - I've never really been a runner of any kind, but the sprints get my heart rate up and give me quick goals to meet, which works right now. my body, still something of a wild card in it's new post-baby reality, is really feeling better and better.

hubs sent me out with gift certificates to get some things for myself, and after spending a couple of hours searching/trying on clothes and finally coming home with 2 candles and an outfit for the baby I decided I need some help. I can't seem to decide who I am anymore, or at least how to translate that to how I want to dress. I'm not young enough (or have the body) to dress in certain styles, and I'm not ready to embrace what I deem 'soccer-mom'-wear. I want to be fairly classic and still cool. I'm unsure right now of how to do that.

I've been trying on some different podcasts lately. one that I'm liking is by Cornerstone Church, the church in California where Francis Chan used to preach. I've been in a dry place for awhile with little energy and less attention span, and I'm really seeking things that resonate because it's no fun to be in the valley and I'm weary of it. in my current 'season', I'm finding myself desiring different experiences... I told M that if we were a church with two services, I'd likely be choosing the contemporary one right now. I love hymns, I sing them to my daughter, but my dry space could do with some fresh emotion, new expression. I think podcasts and things like that are a good way to experience new things without burdening my church with the responsibility of meeting my changing needs.

I'm teaching cradle class on Sunday mornings. Right now it's just Magz and I, but we'll be joined by another little one soon and I'll work out a schedule of other helpers. The positive things about teaching are 1) I get to work in a gift, because singing and making things fun for this age group is natural to me, and 2) I'm being forced to think of the most basic things, like the love of Jesus. the power of God. what I believe. I miss attending my own Bible class and it would be easy for me to feel a little isolated, but with the baby I don't feel I have much of a choice right now other than stay home until worship time (which is what I think others with babies have done). I used to take her to class with me but it's way too distracting now, so I started a class for Magz and the other babies coming to attend until she turns 2 and can join the existing classes. plus, they're able to learn so much! I'm glad for her to have a class, and I'm hoping it will be an encouragement for more young families to feel welcome during bible class. I'm also hoping I will be able to be able to structure things so that I can return to class myself at some point.

she's up now, and it's time to go do stuff again. in closing: my husband is the best one. our baby is so lovely. I'm so thankful for blessings abundant, and for spring.

-m.y.

of apples and support

one of my renewed resolutions (because they're always the same, really) is to keep learning to make room for space and activities that are purely for my mental and physical health, because I'm a better wife/mother/worker/friend/human being when I'm not wound up and endlessly tasking. a truth made all the more stark by the addition of a baby into our lives. these spaces/activities include, but are not limited to, the following:

making the most of opportunities to sleep/rest

reading

exercise

eating - not skipping meals or getting into ruts of eating things that aren't good for me

seeing friends and engaging with people

keeping up with my appearance

and volunteering my time and skills where I can, when I'm able.

and, of course, all of these fall behind the main one involving God and His desire to be on my schedule. how bad that sounds to me... fitting God into MY schedule. boo. this creation needs renewed perspective of the Creator.

I've already finished my first book of the year - Beautiful Boy, by David Sheff. I bought it almost a year ago, along with a couple of other books I'm hoping to crack into soon. according to the jacket, it was the best nonfiction book of 2008, and I can certainly understand why. it's a tough book about the descent of a young man into meth addiction, as seen through the eyes of his father. as Nic fell further into the black hole of addiction, Sheff tried to take some kind of control and make sense of what was happening to his son by doing a lot of research, which is educational but frankly interested me less than the actual story of what happened to his family. it's heartbreaking and exasperating, and a really good read for anyone wanting a glimpse into what it's like to deal with addicts, the frustrating nature of treatment for many of them, and the necessity of help and support for families of addicts. I DID find one part of his research interesting - in searching the country to get treatment for Nic, you get the strong sense that Sheff found rehabs and such to be, in many ways, a crapshoot - expensive and tough to quantify/qualify in terms of 'success' or actual, lasting help. I really enjoy true stories - real life experiences can be so compelling. that's why I like documentaries so much, too, though I don't see near as many as I'd probably like.

I've also been to the gym twice in the last week, which is a major step up from 'nothing'. it's also on the list for today! woo-hoo! I'll happily share this little piece of support equipment - yes, equipment - that has made my gym experience fully 80% better:

I never had to really worry about such things before, but we're living in a post-baby world and all things are new. I now have the gray sports bra (Victoria's Secret VSX Sexy Sport) pictured above, and I can't tell you the difference it makes. normally I avoid things with underwires, but this bra is awesome and provides really good support. my attempts at running on the treadmill are no longer painful, plus I just feel generally less sloppy. they're not cheap, but in my opinion it's worth every cent and I'd enthusiastically recommend everyone get one.

here's something guaranteed to make you chuckle. this was our first experience with applesauce. funny, we've given her a bit of banana and the applesauce, and her reactions to both were to make these faces, like they're bitter. I suppose anything tastes crazy after rice cereal, oatmeal, and multigrain/barley cereal (the latter of which is our fave). please note, she's trying to be nice and giving me smiles and things in this video, but a few bites later she was all, 'um, I hate to be rude but really don't want it. AT ALL. stop it. I'm going to clamp my mouth shut against that gross stuff.' this morning's effort was a little more successful, as I mixed just a little of the applesauce into her cereal that she wolfed down. I only tried a little more of straight applesauce at the end, a couple of small bites of which she stoically choked down. we may switch to peas after the three day apple introduction and see how she feels about veggies.

blogging from Hico. holla!

this post has been in draft mode for the past few days, so I figured I'd better get it out into a real post before things pile up on me too much.

I've been reading Boundaries With Kids by Drs Cloud and Townsend, and have found it SUCH an interesting read. if you've not read this Boundaries book of theirs, you really should. the topic of boundaries is a little fascinating to me - I feel like I've learned a lot about them, having and recognizing and protecting both mine and others' and being quick to acknowledge when something's been crossed, but it's very clear to me that I still have some work to do. one of the most sobering points the book makes is that our children will absorb whatever we model (yikes!) and will only internalize values and behaviors as their challenged to... or as we lovingly allow Magz to be challenged by life and learn take responsibility for herself. It's very much my hope to grow this girl up and equip her for life as best we can, and I'm so glad for books like this.

A little note on the work front: I have been stressing about a gig I was asked to audition for by a company in Los Angeles. if I booked it, it would have meant a sort of travel that would be... well, big. hard. for me, I mean, as a breastfeeding mother who really doesn't want to stop breastfeeding yet. or be out of town and away from my baby for recurring two or three day stints at all, even. I auditioned, knowing I could still turn it down, because it was sort of an honor to be asked and I'm torn between the financial reality of making money for our household and currently desiring to roost more at home and work around H-town. I felt fairly positive about my chances... more often than not, in situations like these I get the work and am forced to make decisions. well, I got a very nice email the other night that essentially said thank you for playing but we've cast someone else, maybe we can work on something else in the future. which was great, fine, I got to thank them for the opportunity and breathe a sigh of relief. but if I'm honest with myself, there WAS a twinge of 'really, you're not hiring me? hello, what's your damage?!' ah, the actor's ego. even if I don't want the job, I still want them to want me. :P

now we shall commence the photo portion of the blogramming:

playing with mama and our toys:

you should hear the drama that happens between the bear and the gloworm when Daddy's in charge of storytime. no really, you should.

wearing sunbonnets at the Midtown farmers market:

we had a lovely, LOVELY baby shower for our friend Tricia who is *sniff* moving all the way to Ohio soon. BUT, she'll be back to visit and bring us a baby to love on. in the meantime, it was tons of fun to shower her with presents and a pretty party! I signed on to bring sweets, so I made mini-vanilla cupcakes and no-bake bird's nest cookies. observe the huge ingredient list below for the cookies:

actually, that ingredient photo isn't really complete. since I used pure peanut butter, I thought maybe the person who wrote the recipe meant the regular kind with added sugars and things, so I drizzled some local honey in the mix, too. these were seriously the easiest cookies I've ever made - behold my impromptu 'double boiler':

behold the finished product on the table with minty malted milk ball 'eggs', along with Tiff's lovely fruit kabob flower pot and those cute paper birds. when I make these cookies again, I'll purchase more chow mein noodles - the trick to getting them to look right and avoiding gobs of chocolate (that resembles poo, let's say it) is to use a lot of noodles so they come out looking 'twiggy':

the sweet centerpiece... some of my little cupcakes are back there on the tiered plates. when I make THEM again, I'm going to ice them thicker before topping them with the toasted coconut:

the second table and sweet girly 'girl' letters:

little notecards for writing blessings for the baby:

pretty, isn't it?!

everyone had a really good time. these two were obviously partied out:

hubz brought this treat home, and I LOVE it.

LOVE.

I'm sorry I drank the last one, mr. bell. it's a character defect.

tummy time a few days ago. getting stronger!

this is the place where Magz usually takes her best (read: longest) naps. it doesn't always work - sometimes she's going to micronap no matter where I put her unless, of course, I sit there and hold her - but the combination of the angle of the couch and the blanket keeping her arms from reflexively flying up is a good one, and if she wakes up there's a good chance she'll be hypnotized by the ceiling fan and fall back to sleep:

and this one is my current fave, taken at Hermann Park.

'ho ho,' she says. 'a lovely park! how droll.'

nighty-night.

-m.y.

whackadoo dreams.

I was... somewhere... and the baby kept falling further and further down in my abdomen. finally, I said something like, 'look how far down she is!' and decided I just needed to lie down, but after I made it onto my back I felt a shift and suddenly there was a baby's head on my chest - she had apparently fallen out of my body and made it onto my chest, umbillical cord and all. she was big and very genial, and I was all, 'look you guys, I just had a baby! she did come early! she just fell out!' then there was all sort of weirdness, with my mom calling my doctor (she said he told me to 'go to bed and heal with some lemon juice'.... yikes!) and people coming in and out. at one point I announced that her name was _____________ and she could be called ____________, and my mom or M's mom gently told me that it was a boy. I looked down and was totally holding a smiling little boy baby with a pretty small you-know-what, which was apparently why no one picked it up in our sonograms (but I was told it would grow to be normal-sized). the baby also suddenly looked like it had three eyes, but I didn't trust what I was seeing and put him down. I was totally confused. I told M about the baby being a boy, and he acted confused, too, and went into a different room. I think I followed him and we talked about how the baby came before we'd finished the house, and we'd discovered another room that needed to be painted that happened to be our bedroom. I went and found the baby and tried to nurse it, but that was awkward, and I looked at him and tried out a boy name we like and then another I'd never really thought about before. I went to find M again and my cousins told me he was outside smoking (?!!), and I said, 'oh, I need one of those'. we smoked, I think, but then I went back inside and ran into some convention people by the escalators (was I at a convention?!) and told them I'd just had a baby that day and needed to rest. I went and found the baby again, who looked more and more like a doll, and started to get anxious about having to somehow get the, um, other stuff out of my body, and then I'd have to trade all all of the girl things we'd been given and tell people asap before they gave us showers with lots of girl things... and then I woke up.

and felt my belly, and there's still a baby in there. I still think she's a girl, 2 sonograms said so and I'll probably be getting another this week with a specialist to check my amniotic fluid levels and make sure all is well. my doctor thought my levels were a little low at my appointment last Thursday and wants a second opinion just to be safe, but he didn't act freaked out or overly concerned. he did, however, tell me I needed to try to rest and drink more. he didn't give me any specifics so I don't think he meant bed rest or anything, just to generally take it easier. which seemed pretty easy, since we'd just come off of the Seattle trip and all.

so. I'm trying to take lots of breaks, drink more water, and generally stay stress-free. but we have a house to finish and I feel the clock ticking (how is it April 12th already?!), plus I have opportunities to do some work this week with 2 big Cricket gigs, voice work, and on-camera commercial work. I go to Dallas Wednesday for my last trip before the baby comes, and right now I just want it and the long car ride and the long day over and done. I do know that I could turn all of this work down if push came to shove... the self-employed, non-existent-maternity-leave reality I live in just likes to do what I'm able to do while I can, that's all. I'm trying to be good about taking my vitamins and the iron supplement the doctor ordered (I was a little anemic a couple of weeks ago) and stop to sit down more often and refill my water bottle, and always feel like I'm forgetting something.

and then I think what if the baby is running out of fluid in there. and I gulp water and pray.

and on top of that, yesterday was an awkward, distracted day and I just wanted a do-over.

I think I'm a little emotional and just feeling a tad overwhelmed. I might have some long days this week, but nothing that's happening has to be hard or overly taxing if I relax and take great care of myself. so I'd appreciate any prayers for peace and excellent pacing and coping skills this week, as well as the strength to say no or take it easy if I need to.

-m.y.

p.s. we're almost done with our kitchen... pictures to come...

37 is the new... 37?

so full. the past few days have been so full. let's see if I can do this in sequence.

first off, my SIL and niece got into town Wednesday, and we celebrated St. Patrick's Day by cooking them and my aunt a scrumptious dinner of corned beef, cabbage, potatoes, and turnips. lest you think I had any part of this, let me give it up for mr. bell, who cooked it all AND cleaned the kitchen afterward! this food was seriously delish... most of us had seconds.



after dinner, Linda, Su and I went to The Chocolate Bar for a sweet nightcap. totally fun and hip, eating chocolate cake in Montrose at 9:45 on a school night!

the morning of my birthday, the 18th, I was so loved on. Linda, Mo, and Kev got me some more of the Bella B's Mama Soak - they got me some for Christmas, and it turns out that M and I are both fans of it. :) M drew a wonderful bath for me complete with lit candles, fluffy towel, and soft washcloth. I'll take a shower, whatever - but I LOVE baths. it's such a centering time for me. when I finally got out, it was almost time to get ready to go meet my dear friend Sara for lunch. while I waited for her, I relaxed in the gorgeous weather:


this one almost became my new blog header... husband thought it looked almost indecent, but I love the rolling belly hill in the foreground!

my time with Sara was so great... she's hosting a shower for us, so we looked at my registries online, did a little maternity shopping for my birthday, and strolled across the UofH campus to the deli to have lunch. I'm so blessed to have such a good friend.

later in the day, we all decided to head to Eastwood Park. their playground was totally re-done and it's all brand new and super-cool. Morgan really enjoyed it:

ever the animal-lover:

my lovely mom and sweet donna jo chit chatting it up... how fortunate was I to have so many important people in town?!

we took Chi with us to the park. the old man stumbled a couple of times, but you can tell he still loves the opportunity to be outside and explore. we went into the enclosed baseball field and let him off the leash, and true to form he walked the perimeter. he especially seemed to enjoy the clusters of clover that grew here and there.

for my birthday dinner, Daddy and the Bells joined us and we all went to Michaelangelo's on Westheimer. in short, it was great and I ate too much. the best part was that so many people I love could be together... it doesn't happen all that often, and I felt so blessed. for the record, I'm not sure why people are so hung up on being young. maybe it changes the older you get, but my life gets consistently better with every passing year and I'm more and more comfortable with myself. I'll tell you this - you couldn't pay me to re-live my twenties!

my brother came into town Friday, so after we went and picked him up from the airport I ended up taking mom, Kev, Linda, and Mo over to see the house on Woodfin. here's Mo leading the hula on the deck out back... something about that deck just screams 'I'm a stage! perform on me!':

we'd planned to go to the zoo, but it was CUH-RAZY around there with spring break and all. we ended up at the Children's Museum instead, and that turned out to be the right decision:

Mo exerting her strong desire to NOT pose for a photograph at this time:

my brother, taking a photo of himself:

woo-hoo, Children's Museum!

during the day, M texted me to say that we had plans that night... plans that involved me looking cute and wearing comfortable shoes. I had no idea what was afoot, but his surprises are always good so around 7 we headed out and down 45... to the Dot Shop, a throwback of a restaurant we've always liked. we scooted into a booth and, just as he tossed an envelope that said 'happy birthday' onto the table in front of me, our friends the McDs slid into the booth across the table from us! I was SO surprised, and a little overwhelmed that people planned something like that for me. not to sound mushy, but it really is such a tremendous feeling to be considered and it honestly makes me want to be more thoughtful of thinking to honor others. throughout the evening, I kept silently thanking God for giving me such a fun gift of a night. receiving good things can sometimes be awkward for me, but I so appreciate it. my husband is one of the most thoughtful people I've ever met, and the care he shows me is humbling and so very, very sweet. oooh, in the envelope were tickets to the Jennifer Knapp concert that night!

the lady can write songs. still. she opened her set with my prayer song! it was great to see her play, and I really enjoyed getting to be a witness to a rebirth of sorts of this woman's music career. there's been a lot of speculation about her life, but whatever has or will come of it all, I appreciate the artist allowing us to follow the music along the way.

yesterday involved cold and rain and crown moulding. M and I hung moulding in the living, dining, and skylight rooms!! just the bedrooms to go! the walls/ceilings are pretty wonky so I have a few gaps to fill in and some caulking to do, but it really does make everything look so nice. the fam was at the rodeo all day, so we all met up at The Black Lab for dinner by the fire, which was the perfect call for such a cold, rainy night.

everyone went home this morning, and this Lord's day has been lovely. I enjoyed church and getting to see my friends, Christian Cattle Co. pot roast lunch with mashed potatoes and exceptional homemade gravy was the bees knees, and everything was capped off with a thoughtful and connective 242 tonight. I really liked that we went around at the end and asked about any special concerns or needs to share... I've been thinking about that recently, about how it's so much easier to try to do everything yourself and not let people know about things going on with you. I want to learn to ask for help or prayer when I need it and allow people the opportunity to use their gifts, and hone some of my own in showing up for others. mostly, I think it's just about allowing yourself to be really known, and being willing to know others.

and now I'm so tired. while I wrote this, the health care bill was voted in. wow.

-m.y.