whackadoo dreams.

I was... somewhere... and the baby kept falling further and further down in my abdomen. finally, I said something like, 'look how far down she is!' and decided I just needed to lie down, but after I made it onto my back I felt a shift and suddenly there was a baby's head on my chest - she had apparently fallen out of my body and made it onto my chest, umbillical cord and all. she was big and very genial, and I was all, 'look you guys, I just had a baby! she did come early! she just fell out!' then there was all sort of weirdness, with my mom calling my doctor (she said he told me to 'go to bed and heal with some lemon juice'.... yikes!) and people coming in and out. at one point I announced that her name was _____________ and she could be called ____________, and my mom or M's mom gently told me that it was a boy. I looked down and was totally holding a smiling little boy baby with a pretty small you-know-what, which was apparently why no one picked it up in our sonograms (but I was told it would grow to be normal-sized). the baby also suddenly looked like it had three eyes, but I didn't trust what I was seeing and put him down. I was totally confused. I told M about the baby being a boy, and he acted confused, too, and went into a different room. I think I followed him and we talked about how the baby came before we'd finished the house, and we'd discovered another room that needed to be painted that happened to be our bedroom. I went and found the baby and tried to nurse it, but that was awkward, and I looked at him and tried out a boy name we like and then another I'd never really thought about before. I went to find M again and my cousins told me he was outside smoking (?!!), and I said, 'oh, I need one of those'. we smoked, I think, but then I went back inside and ran into some convention people by the escalators (was I at a convention?!) and told them I'd just had a baby that day and needed to rest. I went and found the baby again, who looked more and more like a doll, and started to get anxious about having to somehow get the, um, other stuff out of my body, and then I'd have to trade all all of the girl things we'd been given and tell people asap before they gave us showers with lots of girl things... and then I woke up.

and felt my belly, and there's still a baby in there. I still think she's a girl, 2 sonograms said so and I'll probably be getting another this week with a specialist to check my amniotic fluid levels and make sure all is well. my doctor thought my levels were a little low at my appointment last Thursday and wants a second opinion just to be safe, but he didn't act freaked out or overly concerned. he did, however, tell me I needed to try to rest and drink more. he didn't give me any specifics so I don't think he meant bed rest or anything, just to generally take it easier. which seemed pretty easy, since we'd just come off of the Seattle trip and all.

so. I'm trying to take lots of breaks, drink more water, and generally stay stress-free. but we have a house to finish and I feel the clock ticking (how is it April 12th already?!), plus I have opportunities to do some work this week with 2 big Cricket gigs, voice work, and on-camera commercial work. I go to Dallas Wednesday for my last trip before the baby comes, and right now I just want it and the long car ride and the long day over and done. I do know that I could turn all of this work down if push came to shove... the self-employed, non-existent-maternity-leave reality I live in just likes to do what I'm able to do while I can, that's all. I'm trying to be good about taking my vitamins and the iron supplement the doctor ordered (I was a little anemic a couple of weeks ago) and stop to sit down more often and refill my water bottle, and always feel like I'm forgetting something.

and then I think what if the baby is running out of fluid in there. and I gulp water and pray.

and on top of that, yesterday was an awkward, distracted day and I just wanted a do-over.

I think I'm a little emotional and just feeling a tad overwhelmed. I might have some long days this week, but nothing that's happening has to be hard or overly taxing if I relax and take great care of myself. so I'd appreciate any prayers for peace and excellent pacing and coping skills this week, as well as the strength to say no or take it easy if I need to.

-m.y.

p.s. we're almost done with our kitchen... pictures to come...