two months and three shots

sometimes hubz thinks I dress the baby like a boy. here's the deal - sometimes it's nice to wear something that doesn't have pink in it. I mean, there are so many fun colors, right?! and they can easily be girlie-fied with headbands or cute pants, right?! granted, we only have one headband bow and it's hot pink. but we could totally bow it up if we wanted to. here's exhibit A of the gender-neutral stylin's I'm referring to (I'll admit that without the pants she could be mistaken for either sex):



and exhibit B, only because she started in her sleep and gave me jazz hands, and I'm not sure how much longer I get to laugh at those:



today was our baby's two month visit to the pediatrician. here's her checking herself out in the mirror (sorry about the crotch shot, Meggy-boo!):

she was positively charming for Dr. B and understandably screamed when she got her shots. she's 9lb 8oz, 21.5 inches, and is in the 25th percentile all the way around. Dr. B. said she's healthy and dandy. he asked if she's on any vitamins (she's not), so we'll be starting a Vitamin D infant supplement (breastmilk is apparently low on D). which brings me to something that's true of who I am - I'm not inclined to take a lot of medicine myself, and am very wary of giving something to the baby that's not doctor authorized. for example, I realize that there are all sorts of gass drops/etc. out there that people use to help babies, but I'm never really sure that gas/etc. is really why she's crying and I'm hesitant to just give her something to make myself feel like I'm mothering. does that make sense? even when Dr. B asked about vitamin supplements my first thought was, 'why would I think to do that, this is my first baby and you didn't tell me to! for all I know, breastmilk is chock full of all the rainbow goodness she needs, right?!' I don't hate medicine, I promise, and I don't want you to think I'm one of the crazies who won't get her baby medical help if she needs it. no snake-handling, healed in the Spirit juju over here, scout's honor. in fact, since we've gotten home she's had a pretty pitiful afternoon - on top of the three immunization shots she got, mama bonked her head on the floor a little when she was trying to take 2 mo photos. thanks, mama, like my day wasn't traumatic enough. jerk. SO, daddy is going to bring us home some pain drops that are safe for leetle baby and mama will hover and cuddle in the meantime.

note the red crayon band-aids - this brave girl was stabbed in the legs with needles today!:

quick note: last night, Magz slept in her crib, in her room, for the first time during the night. she did very, very well, and I wasn't nearly as freaked out as I thought I'd be. our house is small enough that, with the doors open, we could clearly hear her when she cried, and she went right back down after her night-time feedings.

we love you, two-month-old girl. I know we sometimes get frustrated and don't know how best to help you, but we're working on it. at the Saturday meeting the other night, another lady spoke wisdom that mama hopes to practice more, and that's to pray more for you as you grow and learn. I think praying more for you will change my spirit and help remind me to be generous and grateful. so will sleeping more and letting some housework slide a bit. which is tough for me, because A) I sincerely feel better when things are generally clean and B) I fear it just means things will pile up and create a bigger clean up effort for me later. which can make me feel frustrated. but whatever, enough people I respect have said they wish they'd spent more time baby-tending and less time houseworking, so I'll take it to heart.

p.s., I'm so sorry about bonking your head, baby girl, it scares me to think that my carelessness can cause you harm and I just hate to see you hurt. extra mealtime and cuddlings for you today, little missy!

p.p.s.... or is it p.s.s.? while I love the little one, I do have grown up thoughts to share. really. they just haven't made it into writing yet. like yesterday, I was totally reminded over and over again about the everyday helpfulness of the saying, 'take what helps you and leave the rest'. I LOVE that, I really do. it's permission to take into yourself the things that resonate and discard everything that hinders or doesn't ring true... I don't even have to judge and dwell on WHY I want to discard it or where it came from, I simply leave it behind on the side of the road or look right past it and latch onto what's good and helpful. I realize some may perceive this as a cop out of sorts, but I find that practicing 'taking what helps me and leaving the rest' can help keep me out of fruitless conflicts and emotional hot water. other ideas that've been flitting through my mind:

generosity is hard, whether you're talking about things, time, or emotional latitude.

I'm glad I've had people in my life who loved me enough to say the hard things. I'm looking at you, B2, and thanking God for you. for many things, but particularly for a conversation we had over sushi one night years ago.

C.S.'s recent post has made me really want to delve into the topic of community as I've experienced it.

I'm very concerned about the 'narrow road' the Bible refers to and what my life should look like to be counted worthy of traversing it. thinking this through can disturb me, especially as I look sideways at my dusty Bible. the topic of holiness is intertwined with this pattern of thought.

I watched a video of military personnel returning home to their families the other day. twice. and bawled my eyes out both times. I really needed a good cry and it was the PERFECT vehicle. I hate war and wish with all my might that we'd pull out of the one we're currently embroiled in, but I have deep respect for those who serve and the sacrifice their families make. speaking of sacrifice, m.pope from t'afia bloggd recently about victory gardens, and I immediately yearned to have one. hubz and I theorized about contemporary public response if our government were to ask citizens to participate in this sort of sacrifice/labor/support today... you can almost hear the spin, can't you?

ugh. media outlets today.

I really want to be more lovingly direct...to say what I mean and mean what I say. passive aggressiveness is so easy, but it's not nice or appropriate and because I'm aware of that I really don't have a good excuse to keep doing it. sometimes I think we just enjoy the bit of drama and little resentments, you know?

see? NUGGETS OF GOLD, people.

-m.y.