november13

november was a mixed bag.  the good stuff first:

ru has inherited some clothes from cousin eli:

central market outing, at the deli meat counter.  

internet viewing with daddy:

yes, that's the paula abdul 'opposites attract' video, with the dancing MC scat cat:

around this time in early November, I had a pretty major panic attack.  I was tooling around town as I do, hitting various sessions at various studios, and it initially hit when I was in my car headed to my last session downtown.  a couple hours later, it had escalated to the point that I took myself to a clinic, where they told me there was nothing physically wrong with me, blood pressure normal, everything normal.  that was tough to accept, because I honestly thought I was having a heart attack or something.  I'd had a similar incident in Dallas a couple of weeks after I miscarried in August and a couple of minor symptoms since, but the full-blown thing was just awful.  I was treated very kindly, told to essentially take better care of myself, and prescribed Lorazepam, a generic form of what I believe is an anti-seizure medication, to take if I feel an attack coming on (the doctor first considered prescribing me Xanax, but I told him I didn't want anything addictive).  I've taken 1.5 pills since the episode in half-pill increments, and while there were lingering effects/attacks for a few days after that big incident I seem to have leveled out somewhat.  Though it's hard to tell, because they really do seem to pop out of the blue - there's usually no external trigger for a panic attack.  

I quickly saw my therapist, started getting monthly 1.5 hr thai massages, made a few immediate temporary work adjustments, and have generally just been trying to pay better attention to my body's cues.  My therapist was incredibly encouraging and empowering, affirming that I'd already started taking good steps to work through and manage the attacks, like exploring various methods of talking myself through it.  She helped me see that the genesis of them could be any number of normal life stressors I've experienced, just built up and bubbled over.  The body telling me it grieves, it wants to slow down, it needs a release, it needs what it needs despite my brain feeling like we're doing just fine.  I'm feeling okay, and as with everything have been surprised by how many people experience these things.  As unique or defective or whatever as we might feel, our human experiences are all incredibly common and that comforts me.  Now that 2014 is officially here (as I write November's blog entry on January 2) my goals for this year definitely include health and wellness along with spiritual, relational, and professional.

the night of my clinic visit, when we were back home, mgb got us pizza and built this awesome tent for family movie night.  my husband was and is so kind to me through everything.

magz' first school program!  I'm so thankful for this school.  she's in the middle, in pigtails.

playing in the front yard:

it was such a pretty fall day.  looking at this photo now, I would caption it 'the calm before the storm':

the next day, ru had a fever spike accompanied by shallow wheezy breathing that led to another febrile seizure at home.  while we were at the hospital waiting for her fever to come down, our dear friend SP called to say that magz had also spiked a bad fever at home in bed.  she worked with a damp cloth to bring it down while mgb and our friend Dr. F left the hospital and went to get magz some ibuprofen (we learned though this experience that our kids respond better to ibu than tylenol).  ru was finally diagnosed with pneumonia in her left lung, we got our meds and prescription, and headed home.

the next day, they were both pretty puny.

so we went to our pediatrician, where we found out magz also had pneumonia in her left lung.  weird.  I can't tell you how fast this stuff hit us.

we all laid very low for about a week.

to get ru to drink fluids, I employ this cup I got from methodist.  she thinks anything in this is fancy and awesome, even if it's the same water from her sippy.

 family pharmacy.  for 2-3 days, when we were really riding fevers, keeping up with all this was exhausting.  this experienced changed me - I'm not traditionally a mama who reaches for medication at the first sign of fever, but now I am.

feeling better.

venturing out to buy a winter coat.

@ the thanksgiving day parade!

thanksgiving at grammy & opa's.  their support through this month was invaluable.

magz learning to make fruit salad.

headed to thanksgiving at the ranch:

getting to drive the mule:

cousin-love:

pillow fight!!

there seems no easy, pithy wrap-up to this one - it wasn't the easiest month, but there were many blessings and highlights to go with the rough stuff.  I'm so grateful for friends and family, for understanding work partners, and for my husband.  Life is hard, y'all, no doubt about it.  And I feel like a jerk for writing that, because compared to others in the country/world I know we have it incredibly easy.  I try to hold all of those thoughts together in my considering.

-m.y.