just sayin'!

okay, I've officially decided that I dislike that little add-on to the end of a written sentence... like, say, on a fb status update. now, if you're reading this and have done it, I'm not talking about you, really. I'm talking to the lady I barely remember from the town where I graduated high school, who posts multiple times a day about all manner of personal drama and likes to end almost every post with '.... JUST SAYIN'!'

my my, yoshimi, what a petty, small way to open up a blog post! I'm sorry, I know you expect more but this is the tenor of things. I'm currently way too easily annoyed.

here's a snapshot of what's going on:

1. my trusty Nissan Altima was deemed to be a total loss, and we're actually getting a little more for it than we imagined we would. we're waiting for our check to arrive and are shopping cars online.

next. Magz and I took our first trip to the metroplex for work, and it went really well! putting her in the car at 7a is a good plan - she was a real trooper and handled everything as well as we could have hoped. we met Marmee up there, and she and the baby hung out at the hotel/Grapevine Mills Mall while I went and worked in the salt mines. salt mines in Flower Mound look like nice, big buildings with soundproofed, padded rooms inside. with microphones. though I've not missed it, the work was easy and people were glad to see me, which felt nice.

thirdly. I feel as though I'm mentally swimming through pudding. it's just hard to focus, hard to read for prolonged periods, hard to know what I even want sometimes. physically, I don't do a lot better. I hope to be interesting - interested? - again one day. all of this is okay, and I'm sure it will pass and get better when there's more sleep and exercise and other magic stuff.

also. I realize that choosing to blog at midnight does not help with the sleep deprivation part. but I had the surge of energy and desire to do it so here we are.

to counteract the beginning of this post: Things I'm Currently Grateful For:

*the transitional jeans I bought on sale that really fit me now and aren't maternity.

*date night with the hubz the other night. I felt like a real person for awhile, and though I thought the movie was very 'meh' there were a couple of moments where I laughed hard and real, and that was worth it.

*that we have such wonderful childcare, both here and away

*work

*time off

*a really good trip to Central Market, just me & Magz

*the seriously crazy footrub hubz gave me the other night

*the Y

*the ease of moving around and nursing in our Element. really, it makes prolonged outings so much easier to be able to hop in the roomy back seat and take care of business. who knew?!

*Aveeno Stress Relief moisturizing lotion. I love this.

I'm turning into a pumpkin, but here are some recent photoz that need to be seen... behold our Girls Night trip to the nail salon:

work those phones, ladies...

pretty:

my sweet, cheeky girl:

'mirror mirror on the wall, who's the palest of them all?!'

one of my besties, B2, came into town and brought her husband and precious baby with her. we were afraid we'd totally miss them - it was SO GOOD to hug this woman and meet sweet Eleanor. I'm really hoping to hit the open road next month to go hang out at the Browns' and let the babies roll around and drool on each other. here are the Pybi holding our offspring:

here's meggy-pooh hanging out with Marmee and helping sort mail in a metroplex hotel...

and saying 'good morning!' out at the ranch.

I have more delightful photoz of our time in Hico... I'll save those for next time, as I realize need to get to bed pronto. I wish sleep was a thing you could take, like a supplement in pill form. I also wish my laundry was done, that I could fit into my favorite tan jeans, and that the spit up stain would come out of my blue shirt.

JUST SAYIN'.

p.s. write softly sent this to me and I just reread it... I'm not even a full-on stay at home mom and it packs a punch for me that I didn't fully understand pre-baby. especially as I delete a message from a friend/acquaintance who lives out of town, in another time zone, who called out of the blue the other day at 10:45p to inquire about my baby ('have you had her?? I think you've had her!') and ask for prayer for her IRS audit the following day. and then called back a few days later at 9:30p to 1) remark in a somewhat hurt manner that she never heard back from me, 2) reiterate that she really wants to know about the baby, and 3) insist that I call her back asap so she can ask me about acting tax write-off business stuff (that she really needs to talk to a tax preparer about, frankly).

I'm sorry I didn't call her back. I forgot, honestly... I need to make a written note to do it tomorrow. but yes, I did have my baby. she's three months old and is (hopefully) sleeping when you call me at night, friend. also, I am virtually tuned out after 9p, too, so that's generally not the best time to chit-chat. I know it seems like an easy thing to do, returning a phone call, but the days sort of start rolling on their own and sometimes it's hard to remember to call, or to find time, or to want to do anything when I do find time. especially talk to a distant friend who wants to have a long conversation that I don't have the energy for right now. I'm sorry to be rude, and I WILL call her back, but as the article points out I think real friends understand and cut you some slack.

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Write to Tell Me About It, Style, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, ortellme@washpost.com.

-m.y.