what a wonderful day.

it's been full of rest and togetherness with my husband, and I have literally felt my spirit slow down, breathe deep, and melt a little. sleeping late, breakfast brought to me in bed, doing chores with M, music and conversation in our house, reading together in the library, riding with him on a quick work errand, seafood dinner and idle bookstore browsing, a good meeting tonight. the components of this day have been a sweet sweet gift from God directly to my heart and I can do nothing but thank Him, especially for the husband who serves and teaches me so lovingly and thoughtfully.

there are "promises" mentioned in some 12-step literature, and they came to my mind today... this is how it reads:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.


Are these extravagant promises? We think not.

They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

They will always materialize if we work for them.

A.A. p83-84


I don't think that programs of this sort promise a magic cure, just as the Christian life does not equate to prosperity or freedom from sin or trouble. I am, however, convinced of the paradigm that if one believes that God can accomplish all things and does, asks Him for help, steps out in faith, accepts the help and support of others, and attempts to walk in greater wisdom, the choices that result often bring with them blessings only dreamed of before. in my own life, it's clear now that many of the things I have chosen to let go of left unexpected spaces in which God could move in ways I couldn't see before, and given me new opportunities and new choices, new directions in which to take my thoughts and my life. the hardship - well, one of them, anyway - is that ANYTHING can fill these spaces, the good, the unhelpful, and the bad. how very Luke 11, right? ""When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first." (v. 24-26) so true. sometimes I find myself in shallow water again, trying to get through the reeds and seaweed that entangles out to calmer, deeper water where the bigger things can happen, where I can allow myself to be further grown and changed. I feel I'm either preparing to or am in the process of turning a new page, and find myself yearning to be free of stagnant, muddy water.

this day was magical and healing for me, a sunlit love-note. a scene I could have only hazily, longingly dreamed about 6 years ago. I'm so very grateful.