Saturday, October 1, 2011

qualifiers

I was good at English back in the day, and one of my favorite assignments was to write persuasive papers.  I'm usually easily able to look at things from a few angles, and rooting for one idea while attempting to diplomatically address others and head off objections is something of a natural default button in my mechanism.

This tends to make some of my blog posts too long as I try, considering how the reader will experience the words, to shape and sculpt all of my thoughts.  It also keeps me from blogging more or sharing more of myself on fb and the like, because it's hard for me to put just a little piece of myself out there.  Second-guessing what others are going to think and working to craft my words so that I'm perfectly understood is tiring.  Putting myself out there without qualifying everything makes me feel too one-dimensional, too opinionated, too much, too open to judgement.

I say this because I had a ton of fun blogging yesterday about my day.  I didn't overthink or edit much - it was just a wackadoo day for me and writing about it made me laugh and brought a different appreciation and gratitude for that one day, which won't look like any other because they never do.

I didn't qualify like I normally would.  And don't you know, it bothered me later, because I couldn't control the spin.

The qualifiers might have looked like... "Not all days look like this, which is a relief because I'd be seriously stressed out and something would have to give.  Some days/weeks I don't have any or very little work, which is great because then I get to revel in being a stay-at-home-mom.  Did you know I grieved having to work after M was born?  I do know that wiving and mothering are more important than working, and don't mean to suggest that whatever working/mothering choices I make are superior or even in comparison to anyone else's.  Did I come off too work-centric?- because we're also family-centric and church-centric, I promise."

See?  I'm tap dancin' as fast as I can, ma, do they still like me?!  Silly to say, but true - deep down, I just want to be liked and sometimes my script tells me that if I allow myself to be truly known it'll turn people off.  Which, let's face it, is probably true.  This is absolutely true in my faith walk... I struggle to live fully as a Christian in all of the circles I run in.  I want to, but I'm guarded.

I'm guessing that here, on this secret little blog, it's not that big a deal that I don't qualify every blessed thing.  The prized few who read here know me pretty well, and hopefully we all assume the best of each other.  Sometimes we do lean one way or another... sometimes we're opinionated and unbalanced.  Sometimes we see glimpses into thoughts and parts of one another that aren't perfectly crafted for public consumption yet.  I know it's okay and that I'm not the only one who is squirmy about these things.  I know I can't control everything you think about me.  Ha!  God-complex much?!  

I'm suddenly aware of how annoyingly me-centric all of this is.  Pictures of babies will be forthcoming in subsequent posts, stat.

I'm not sure how to end this post, so here's this morning's Upper Room Daily Reflection:  

GOD OF ABUNDANT LIFE
and downward
inward
outward mobility
I come into your presence with empty hands
and anxious heart.
Help me to accept
and to remember
that you are more than
enough
for me.

-Kerry Greenhill, Alive Now, September/October 2011


-m.y.

Friday, September 30, 2011

for fun, read this out loud.


Specs:  generally pleasant and even, not too slow but slow enough for the listener to easily follow.  conversational yet informative.  not too announcer or narrator-y.  good luck.

A blow by blow.

(pause) (don't read the pauses.)

6:30am.  I wake and wonder why my alarm went off at 6:30am.  Then I remember that I have to record an audiobook audition before the baby wakes up.  ahhh.

6:38am.  I quietly consult youtube to attempt to remember what a Maine accent sounds like.  Also, I clear my throat repeatedly and wonder if this is even possible.

6:50am.  With laptop and pillows in tow, I climb into the backseat of my Hyundai to attempt to record in the most dead sound space I have at home.  

6:55am.  After trying pillows in varying configurations around me to contain the sound and block any flat, reflective surfaces, I begin recording into the laptop on my... lap.

6:56-7:20am.  After multiple attempts to read the lengthy book demo, I decide that sirens, birds, falling pecans, and my own mistakes will prevent me from recording this audition at home.  I pack up and head inside.

7:21-7:45.  I enter the house peeved and flustered.  Husband makes me lay down and cuddle.  Eventually I feel better.

(switch to more of a relaxed, narrative read.)

The baby wakes, and husband gets her a milk while I am reborn in the shower.  I later make oatmeal and share it with the baby while I look up old invoices and production orders to answer a client's question from yesterday and forward the aforementioned audiobook audition script to an engineer I'll see later.  I've got a 10am morning session that should last an hour, an hour to eat lunch and scoot over to pick up a paycheck, then a 3-hour session reading a math course in the afternoon.  I'm hoping I can knock out the audition before reading about math.

I look up, and the baby is wearing her oatmeal.  She's very fetching, especially with oatmeal all over her arms and pjs, matted in her hair, and globbed in her neck fold.

I bathe her and dress her for the day and hope I don't get anything on me because it took me forever to decide what to wear the first time.

I decide I should also put on makeup and finish getting ready since I'll be late in 5 minutes.

I kiss my family goodbye and head to the first studio.  5 minutes late.  The client is 5 minutes late, too, so no huge breach of etiquette.  

I mean, one of the clients is 5 minutes late.  The other is 30 minutes late.  The point is, we start recording late.  After recording multiple on-hold messages for numerous restaurants - each with it's own 'vibe' and varying reads 'just in case', I walk out of the studio three and a half hours later.  

It should probably be mentioned that while I was in the studio:

Afternoon engineer texts that the internet and phone are down at his studio.  Which is bad since our math scripts are online.
I wondered if this meant my audition would be a bust, so I text another engineer nearby to check his availability to record an audition for me in the next couple of hours.  He texts back that he's busy now but maybe later - can it be done tomorrow?  I text no, today.
I get a message from my agent booking me for a gig next week, that conflicts with a gig I already have that isn't though my agent.  I confirm with my agent and make a mental note to reschedule the other.
The engineer with the down internet texts that he's on his way home to print scripts.  I text and beg him to print my audition, too.  I'll pay him, I say.  He says K.  He knows I'm good for it.
I text the other engineer to say no biggie, I got it taken care of.  He texts back that I could totally come by in an hour.  I say no thanks but you're awesome and I mean it.

The session finally ends and I leave that studio.  I call husband to see if he can pick up my check at my agent's, since I'm hours late to math session now.  He is dropping the baby off at Grammy's to spend the night while we attend a concert tonight and go to the annual meeting with our financial advisor in the morning.  He agrees to go get my check and is generally reassuring.  I remember how great it is to be married to him.  

I arrive at my afternoon session almost two hours later than we'd planned, but he's not mad thanks to his own internet drama.  Lunch was totally missed, so I scarf a granola bar and grab a bottle of water.  We record my audition, an English-as-a-second-language learning module, and two chapters of math.

ESL courses have to be read unnaturally slowly, because the participants are learning and need time to hear and connect the words and sounds.  It's not easy at all.  For practice, go up to the last paragraph and try to read it aloud slowly and semi-presentationally, where you hear every word clearly.  Have fun.

Before I start the second math chapter, I think to text the director of my conflicting session next week to reschedule.  Thursday?  Nope, but free all day Friday.  Done.  I hastily try to update the calendar on my iphone with everything that's happened today and know I've missed something somewhere.  My throat is starting to feel scratchy, so I gulp more water.

We finish math thirty minutes earlier than expected.  The engineer asks if I'm done, because we could easily throw down another chapter time-wise, and I say yes yes I'm done I'm done I'm sorry but I'm over.  

We remind each other of the lion's share of this course left to do next week and I promise to be on time early Monday morning.  We pleasantly and somewhat giddily bid one another adieu, because it's Friday and we're done.  Well, I'm done.  He's going to edit a few things we did yesterday and my audition, and email everything to me.  I'll have it by the time I pull into my driveway.

I get home, I grab the laptop and head to the bathroom, feeling the effects of my afternoon water consumption.  While vacating I open the audition, save it to my computer, and resend it to the audiobook casting director with what I hope comes off as a breezy, confident little note.   With everything that's happened, I don't have the energy to obsess about whether the audition is perfect or not.  

I let the dog out, head to the garage, and grab a cold sparkling water from the extra refrigerator out there.  I settle into the couch, and have the thought to blog about this day.

This is being my own boss.  This is being a full-time actor in my skin.  I started acting professionally 18 years ago and this is what I've built.  It requires juggling and flexibility and patience and perseverance and a strong work ethic and a semblance of organization and a positive attitude and some acting, both for the work and sometimes for the people who hire me to do the work.  It encompasses many failures and many successes and is ever-changing and ever the same.  I absolutely can't do it without a lot of help and support, because it's really supposed to come in as my third job after wife and mother.  I say supposed to, because I come from a long line of workaholic-types and sometimes I allow the line to blur.  But really, acting just lets me use my natural gifts to help support my family.  My husband and baby feed my soul - my job, not so much, which is okay.  For all of the fun and pride I take in some of the things I do, at the end of the day it's just a fairly interesting means to an end and I'm sincerely grateful for it.

Monday morning, I'll kiss the baby goodbye and feel painfully guilty about my busy schedule.  I'll record math for three hours in the morning and an audiobook for three hours in the afternoon.  My throat will be scratchy and I'll likely need to pop a couple of Tylenol when I get home.  I'll love my family as best I can until I fall asleep.

Tuesday, repeat.

Thank you God, for the luxury of this life.  Help me to always know what's most important and how to navigate these waters, in this season.

(take a swig.  you've earned it.)

-m.y.

addendum:  the casting director just called, less than 2 hrs after I send the audition, to say I booked the book!  I'm stoked!  I'm sweaty to think of how to schedule it.

Friday, September 23, 2011

seeds, and 'who moved my button thingie!'

a couple of weeks ago, I snapped some photos in our Sunday morning class. look at these preciouses.


stony.  book, chapter, and verse, please.


what what??


check it!


nom nom.


it was C's first time sitting up at the table with us by himself!




welcome, friend!


exploring the Messiah's birth and telephone rattles.


Bible class is tasty fun!


our friends.




it's been a busy time.  busy good, but busy nonetheless.  I should be resting - I woke up at 2:30a and couldn't sleep, which will no doubt violently come back to haunt me later in the day.  I would go into the kitchen and do dishes, pick up the baby's things that are strung all over the house, something useful if I weren't afraid of waking the other two people in my family, who need all the sleep they can get.  so, after perusing the internet for awhile I'm forced to blog.  grandma said I should blog more anyway.  :)

various trains of thought:

I'm so amused by the way everyone freaks out every time facebook makes changes.  I think it just highlights the fact that humans so easily become creatures of comfort and habit, and we just balk at change.  fb only serves to remind us that nothing ever stays the same... especially when your industry is all about new technologies, new features, new interfaces, and the constant 'update' to stay faster, better, and more relevant than the other guy.

there's some language here, but this bit from Louis CK on Conan had some pretty funny and zingy truths to it...  'everything's awesome, and nobody's happy.'

I'm astounded to see posts like, 'I'm cheating on fb with google+!  it's sooo much better.'  who has time to explore all of this?  I have a personal and professional page on fb, and can barely find the oomph to crawl over to my actor page once in a blue moon to apologize for never going there.  between facebook, and google+, and farmville, and twitter, and words with friends, and hanging with friends, and angry birds, and rdio, and RSS feeds, and blog posts, and on and on I wonder that anyone ever works, or speaks to the people they live with.  that last part is aimed at myself, as generally I'm words with friendsing before I turn out the light.  deep, late night conversations with mgb, solving the world's problems?  no no hold on, honey, I've got an X I have to get rid of.

I jest.  some.

I'm sure there's some merit to it... like maybe it'll keep our brains in tip top shape as we age, like those archaic paper crossword puzzles are reported to do.  I'm also pretty sure I waste a colossal amount of time on this stuff, and that I just do it because I can.  they're like little smoke breaks throughout the day, minus the gross smoking part... and better because I don't have to get up and walk outside for anyone to see I'm stepping away from life/work for five (or forty-five?) minutes all day long.

remember when I asked about your technology habits a few posts ago?  and didn't even have the courtesy to post my own?  mmm-hmm.

oh my, I just heard husby's alarm go off.  he has a pretty early call.

I'm going to be a goofy mess later today.  but I'm off the whole day!!

the nap will be incredible.

-m.y.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

glorious saturday glories

it's so beautiful outside. we're in the middle of a draught and half of Texas is aflame so we're in desperate need of rain, but it's been so hot this summer that I still have to celebrate the cooler temperatures and beautiful sunshine that doesn't seem to want to bake me like a potato.

daddy bought magz a sesame street coloring book. it's one of her favorite things to look at and 'read' right now.

it's also interesting to actually color in.

daddy is giving pointers.
his professional opinion is that outlining everything really makes the picture come to life.


will she be a lefty?  I read that most kids this age are sort of ambidextrous...



bedtime butterfly stories

who wouldn't want to kick back in a cushy basket full of soft things?

getting out isn't as easy as getting in.


this morning... glorious outside glories















have a lovely day, everyone. -m.y.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

playing receptionist and bathroom photographer

the end of last week was epic. Thursday morning began with a commute to Grapevine for a few hours, then over to Richardson for a few more hours, then down to Austin to stay the night at the Ramada just off 35 (the same one we stayed at when I was shooting Fiesta, mom & lindabell). that Ramada has a great breakfast, fyi. I lazed around a little that morning then headed about 45 minutes northeast to Thrall, where a movie called Abel's Field is shooting. I was just a day player, playing a receptionist at the bank where the young male lead has come to try to get a loan. we had a really lovely little scene, and it was a good day. I then hopped back into my car and headed home, pulling into the driveway in Houston around 9p. here's me as The Best Receptionist Ever:




my hair was totally shellacked.

after trips like that, I generally just want to hibernate for awhile. we had a nice weekend, culminating with an encouraging Sunday. we were blessed to have 2 new families attend our small group, and I'm struck by how much of a shot in the arm that is. new blood. growth. welcoming and serving. last night, at our Wednesday gathering, one of those families was there as well as another woman with three children I'd not met before. I pray for the encouragement of more individuals and families at our church, more opportunities to serve and share the journey. mgb was sharing stories about the kids he gets to work with on Wednesday nights... some of them have experienced so much, and even though they may have no other family present they show up at our church and eat as much fruit, sandwiches, and veggie chips as they want. I know we're not the right fit for everyone and God plants people where He will, and I know we face challenges. but it's invigorating and I'm hopeful.

and now let's get on to photos of the magpie.

books are mostly stashed here, on the lower bookshelves, and in her room. she spends a lot of her day bringing them to us and plainly communicating that she would like you to read it to her, please.



like this.




asking teddy if he wants to talk on mama's phone:



sleepyface.



Daddy bought Magz her first set of crayons. behold:



before church:



shoehands!! (a favorite game of hers)



wearing the pretty necklace marmee gave her:



passed out in the car, looking ever so much like mgb.



this next series is titled 'Scenes from a Bathroom'





'talking' on the dental floss phone


yes, that's my headband she's using as a necklace.



hope everyone is having a good week. peace, my people.

-m.y.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

quickly, while the baby sleeps...

I was at the Y earlier and whilst traversing the treadmill Alastair Begg addressed the topic of our culture as it relates to the Christ-follower. I'd read a blog post about this topic last weekend that stuck with me, and I'm prompted to share. Alastair was speaking specifically of Starbucks, and how easy it is now to walk into one, pull your laptop alongside a stranger, and pretty much start up a philosophical conversation about anything. The phrase that sticks in my head was that he said we should be 'one foot in the Bible, one foot in the culture'... my paraphrase is that in order to share our stories and let the love of God pour out we need to be sure we're not cloistered away. Share the goods with the world around us, engage where we're able.

A couple of excerpts from the blog linked to above:

"It is implied that Christians should be counter cultural regardless of what values are upheld by the culture. But acting in that way only encourages pride, stunts the growth of the Church, and ignores the Spirit of God at work among all peoples. In fact, the Church can learn a lot from nonChristians, and if nonChristians agree en masse about something, that's called culture. And sometimes nonChristian culture is right. Many cultures without the influence of the Church, for instance, are right about the importance of respect for their elders. Other cultures are right about personal liberty in the face of oppression. So to be blindly counter cultural ignores the image of God emblazoned on each and every culture. Somewhere in each culture, He's there. We must learn to recognize those aspects, learn from them, and use them as inroads for the Gospel."

I really like that last part about finding common good, worthy aspects of culture, learning from one another, and using them as inroads for relationship.

and this point:

"So the problem with our view of the disease of culture is not that it exists, but where it exists. The Church should be made up of people who point to themselves and say, "Me. It's me. I am the problem with the world." When Christians, as His representatives on Earth, fail to recognize the sin in our own hearts, even the cultural sin, we mar His image and bring ill repute to His name. Yes, there is sin in the world that we should fight. But we must always look to find the sin in ourselves first. When pastors, authors, and teachers encourage us to counter contemporary culture without regard for the broken cultures within the Church, we look like a bunch of finger-pointing hypocrites."

no time to elaborate, baby stirring. just food for thought. would be happy to hear any thoughts you have about the church vs. culture (how do YOU define 'culture'?), being 'in the world but not of it', etc.

-m.y.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

mid to late august. really?

so here are a few glimpses into recent life.

I was feeling like we needed to lighten up around here, literally. our old brown sofa had sprung a few holes that magz enjoyed sticking her fingers into to triumphantly pull out tufts of stuffing, so we decided to gift Old Brown to brother J and hit craigslist for a replacement. we found a super-cool sofa/chair set for a great price, and voila! I really like the color and the clean, modern vibe of them. here's mgb and the baby demonstrating the sofa's napping capability:


can we talk about the most dramatic plant ever? these coleus plants have positively thrived in our front bed, crowding out other flora friends and behaving in a rather flamboyant manner. this was how they looked when we got home one afternoon... droopy, sad, parched, someone help us this is a dire situation gasp!


close up of sad, dramatic coleus.


two - count 'em - TWO hours later after a little watering and a brief, freak rain shower:

REFRESHED! BOOOIIIIINGGGGG!


woohoo!! look alive, everybody!!
the DRAMA.


this was taken after church last Sunday. you can't see it much, but this is a dress mgb bought me as a surprise, and I love it so much.


iphone photos of naps.


iphone photos of storytime. goodnight, moon!


back to the whole 'lightening up' idea. we gave away our old dining room table and chairs and sold our antique buffet on craigslist. you can sort of see that we're using the other table to eat at in the sunroom, which feels really nice. we still have to move that light fixture that hung down over the table, but I think we're going to leave the space clear. the open space is sooo nice! we're calling it the 'dance floor'. we've finally finished all of the carpentry work on the shelving and replaced our huge television with a sleek version that swivels out to watch and fits nice and flush against the wall when we want to put it away. all in all, the house just feels a lot bigger and it was a nice, emotional boost to switch things up a bit. plus it's easier to clean.


playing with scarfs I brought back from mexico.


a tricked-out version of daddy & magz. thanks, instagram app.


hmmmm, I've got my thinking bowl on...


dear.


she can say mama, dada, elmo, up, dog, I done, I do, no, and hi. she can sign apple, more, please, cereal, eat, drink, hot, banana, and bib. she loves those books of first words, and is getting pretty good at recognizing animals, foods, pieces of clothing, toys, etc. she's also getting good at shaking her head 'no' and communicating with her body, she give lots of kisses, and will hug and pat you. oh, and she's working on saying this: