non-resolutions.

I got to go to my meeting this past Saturday night for the first time in what seemed like ages, and came away aglow.  it was such a positive, uplifting hour, as we all talked about the resolutions we didn't make for 2012.  :)  I left the meeting jolted by of one of the central stimuli that makes me tick and want to take on the world.

stories.

real ones.

about real things happening to real people who are longing for/making/celebrating a change.  for me, it's like drinking an energy drink - I feel galvanized and a part of a collective kinship of people on the move.

one of my favorite things to engage in is the sharing of testimony, what's happened/happening with us, what we're moving toward, gratitude for new seasons and answered prayers, and there's no better place to learn how to do that than 12-step meetings.  I would say church, but I've simply heard more testimony at meetings and have more experience with it.

in my opinion, when it comes to personal sharing and confessing, meetings - at least the sort I attend - have an edge over church by their very DNA.  number one, practically everyone shares.  it's the form meetings take, so there's a built in assumption that most people will choose to talk (honestly, we assume) about their lives and journeys.  and two, the whole thing centers around where you were (when you were crazy) and where you are now (less crazy), which everyone identifies with and is a great leveler when it comes to perspective.  no one is shocked by anything you say, and no one gets to feel better than anyone else.  it's a safe space to be human, and to get to hear stories from other people who're also into learning A Better Way to live.  it's obviously easy to feel a part of a community when you get to be a part of that sort of thing.

in no way do I mean to slam church, as though this culture of sharing doesn't happen there.  I've read too many blogs, etc. lately that are down on church, and it's convicting.  I spent some time in 2011 being down on some aspects of church myself, and if I were making resolutions (which I'm not) one of them would necessarily have something to do with turning my church frown upside down.  on days when I'm feeling challenged, I like to blame some of my dissatisfactions on the external... 'if only that were different, or this happened, or I didn't have to work so hard'... but what I'm seeing is that if I want to experience more of what lights me up, I must actively seek that which will stir the embers and stop hiding out in busy work.  so that I have a story to tell again.  so that I'm compelled to share it, and others will be freed to share theirs, and it'll become a normal part of life to once again tell and hear stories of a living God making things happen.

I mentioned it briefly in a post before, but choosing to take the ladies bible class Beth Moore study is a step in that direction.  I don't know if any of you have read any of the articles/blogs lately questioning the content of ladies classes, but I'm aware that some women out there feel that the offerings are a bit dumbed down, overly emotional, and Bible-lite.  I even heard Beth Moore referred to derisively in one of the comments below the above linked post, as though her classes tend toward the shallower end of the Bible study pool and offend someone looking for a real in-depth study.  I get that there are many women incredibly gifted in Bible knowledge with a thirst for deeper study, and I wish them the meatiest classes they can find.  I know that some women are nourished bonding over knitting and conversation.  and then there are some of us who're just rusty and need a good primer in, oh, the stories of the old testament.  who goes with whom again?  and how do they fit into the overall God/Jesus story?  imagine I've been in the nursery with the babies most of the past year, had little to no sustained bible study in quite some time, and feel lost pretty quickly when things start to get too heady.  open the gospels and go!  help me remember what I believe?

to the women's ministry question, I think there's room for everyone.  and maybe even different kinds of groups without the need to call one deep and one shallow, which isn't really nice anyway.  to the question of my effort to get thee to a bible study any bible study for the love of Pete, I figure this Beth Moore study is as great a chance as any to hear the word of God (fruits of the Spirit... helllooooo built in life application!!) and petition for the beginnings of a fire.  plus, a friend straight up asked me to go and I appreciate her energy, encouragement, and obvious enthusiasm.  and the conviction that, until she asked, it hadn't occurred to me to try to attend.

so, no formal resolutions in 2012.  just fewer frowns (or, at least, frowns of shorter duration) and more living out and pursuing what I say I believe, so it spills out and splashes my daughter, my family, my community.  because I do believe God is real and has power to act, and that our real-time stories of imperfect faith are lifeblood to others on the Way.

-m.y.